Nostalgia

Was refreshing memories, walking along my college verandas. Suddenly someone was calling me as I neared the Dept. of Anatomy . I turned back.

"Lecture hallil ninnu mungi nadakkuvanno?" [Sneaking out of the lecture hall?]

Felt so happy hearing that :) :)

I couldn't recollect the name of this ma'am...but felt nice,
"Ayyo...njan pandu mungeetha ma'am...njan 2k5 batcharrnu..." [Ehh..had done that long back ma'am...I belong to the class of 2005]
We chatted for a while...

Dogs, Cats and Docs

One of the things that I hate about the Medical College wards is the uncontrolled feline invasion. I wouldn't like to spoil this post by adding an overdose of words.

These shots come from where you get 'anti-rabies' shots :) Now gah shoot me for the sarcasm.

Dogs in the title refer to the myriad of dogs found in the campus. Oof...now I should stop here, too much of irony.

Labour Room: by a BABYatrician ;)

Hero's having a wonderful time in the Labour Room these days.
The cartoon was made by our neonatologist Madhav chettan ;)
We just thought of changing the terminology of paediatrician to BABYATRICIAN by the way ;)

Dark room, Radiologist and Condom

Introduction:

Accompanying a patient for his/her imaging is a double edged sword. At times it gifts you a comfortable alibi when your 'co-interns' are drenched in sweat during an admission day in the emergency room (better known as the casualty), at other times you sweat yourselves out in the process of accompaniment.

If this sounded like a weird medical jargon. Here's the whole concept. It's been ages since one of the prime lifts in our prestigious hospital withered out. That means, any patient irrespective of the fatal potential of his medical ailment will have to wait for an ambulance (read that as minutes to hours), suffer whatever damage a busy traffic and 'typical Keralite roads' can offer and finally reach the imaging center.

A doctor (preferably loquacious)will have to accompany the patient during the process. Provided the patient is rather stable, the job works fine. Except for the miserable journey in the ambulance the whole trip is refreshing (from personal experience) since once the destination is reached, he can spend time in air-conditioned cabins provided by the Department of Radio diagnosis till the imaging process gets completed (However a collapsing patient is a source of palpitation for the doctor himself).

(Technically this introduction has little to do with the rest of this page. Don't ask me why I put it here)

What happened:

Internship or House surgeonsy is where a half-doctor begins his quest to completion. My pursuit (this has nothing to do with the EternalRemanan!) began months back. Two months with Surgeons gave me sufficient matter to fill my time line. I thought that was it, but no. The department of Obs & Gynec has started to add more fun.

Scene: A female patient suspected to have ectopic pregnancy (in plain English: pregnancy anywhere else but not in the uterus).
Condition of the patient: Stable
Requirement: Ultrasound scan-Abdomen
Complication: She speaks the kind of Hindi that even noted 'Hindi speaking Malayali PostGraduates' find hard to comprehend.
Environment: Rainy

The ambulance is unavailable. So young doctor stuffs himself in an auto-rickshaw, along with the lady, her 'Nepali' husband. Reaches the scan center. Meets the radiologist, a rather obese lady (doesn't mean that the young doctor was dead ringer for Dard-E-Disco lead).

Dark room. Radiologist. Sisterji. The Hindi patient. Young doctor.

Except for the physical presence, the young doctor knows little about the intricacies of ultrasound imaging.

Okay. Radiologist- "Where's the condom?"

Err...I return her nothing but a startled look. She extends her hands to the sisterji. Sisterji searches the table and hands her something.

Ahem.

She turns to me. My expression should have carried her to any of the viva voce sessions she passed through as an undergraduate. (Read that as 'blank look', Malayalis may read that as 'blinkasya')

"Well I need a trans vaginal ultrasound for her. Hmmm do you prefer to share this room or..."

I could hardly give her time to complete. I rushed out of the room. Walked out of the scan center. Crossed the road. Bought a bottle of mineral water. Finished it. Waited (along with the husband) for the scanning process to be over.

Journey back-uneventful.

Lessons to carry: Ignorance is bliss. A trans-vaginal ultrasound scan uses a probe covered with a condom and a gel.

a RuMbLE in de MCH

Starring: A rusty elevator at one dark corner of the Medical College Hospital

Me:Uncle...hey hey...watz mr.Quilon doin here...? :)

Uncle: Wow...who do i have here jr.dr...gr8

Me: :) So uncle howz aunt doin?

Uncle: Oh she’s wid me son. We’ve got an appointment wid de neurologist. It’s our first visit to here. Tell me where his room is...

Me: errr...hmmm...yeah gotcha...it’s downstairs uncle...come i’ll give an official escort...

Uncle: Oh no way...can’t disturb u...itz study hours right?

Me: No probs uncle...it’s de clinical postings...now @ de dept. Of ENT...hmm technically otorhinolaryngology

Uncle: K...she’ll find it hard 2 walk dear...

Me: Letz fly down then...ta ta da...here v move towards de lift...

Uncle: He he...c’mon son.

En route...i kept on chatting wid aunt...she looked older n weaker...poor thing...unknown condition that’s weakening her limb muscles...

At last...here v r....hey itz spooky right here...god...y is dis corner of de abode of clamouring patients so dead silent? Haven’t i stepped here b4? I was puzzled...!!!

Uncle: ooo...wat do v hav here?

Me: Exactly uncle...that’s what im thinking...n ahem ahem...2 b honest i’ve never noticed this corner...

Facing us was a mammoth door that seemed to be sealed in the Jurassic era. The red colour didn’t shine. I searched for the lift button.

Me: Oh i’ve competition...a spider seems to have been searching for it since time immemorial...and in the process he probably raised a whole family. A strong spider web was shaking at my voice.

Hello...nibody der???

A nurse peeped through a nearby room..."oh doctorji...sorry...de button won’t work. Your coat might burn!!!"

Me: Am i supposed to knock the door then n shout ‘tic tic sumone der?’

BINGO dOCTORji...

Uncle: omg

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Uncle: Open sesame...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Me: Oh this is bad really bad.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Hey do i hear something

Uncle: Lemme press my ear to the door.

Aunt: Hey Ravi...lend your stethoscope to him...

Me: he he (errr...holy shit y so...)

Me: Uncle...leave it...i think aunt needs some kinda ‘physiotherapy’ lemme test het motor functions.

Uncle: Hmm werz de ramp?

Me: STAIRCASE...

Aunt: No ramp???

Me: (disappointed) Not in the vicinity...

We started to wheel her towards the staircase few metres away...

CREEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK..RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..RUMPPPPPPPPPPPP......THUDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Uncle: OH MY GOD...EARTHQUAKE?? HE HE

Another patient from a distance: Hey lucky people...de LIFT GOD IS PLEASED WID U IT SEEMS...man itz a blue moon!!!

The door opened wid a roar...An angry sleepy lift operator was busy reading the newspaper...

“The next time u knock try something harder say...a knee hammer made of titanium...doctor ji...

(Dedicated to the Hon'ble Kerala Health Minister PK Sreemathi)

Though exaggerated to extremes the real scenario ain't really good.

mY Aunt's 'COMPLEX'ion

(statutory warning : offencive language ahead)

background: My cousin's big fat wedding

Morning. The d-day. (Muhoortham is at 12.00pm). Everyone's runnin 2 get things done...makin de final arrangements

Aunt: Hey...u...
Me: Hiii...(panting)
Aunt: u should be nithin...right?
Me: Yep
Aunt: Finished yer course?
Me: Nopes...fourth year...
Aunt: So child...howz life@college
Me: hmm...cool...
(y de hell is dis lady askin all these @ this time. Well if my grey cells speak right this is our first CONFRONTATION)

Aunt: Feeling disappointed?
Me: woooot?? what 4?
Aunt: 4 havin chosen MBBS.
Me: hhhhhh...no..errr....
(waaaaaaaaat? i was almost electrocuted)

Aunt: do U know child? iT takes a life time 2 get established in de profession. MBBS...den u go upside down 4 de MD...try once...den repeat...den RE-repeat...den de MD...3 more years...den superspeciality...n finally by 55 or so u start gettin patients.

Me: oooo REALLY?

(Had I a chance, i wud've spat at her...honestly...niether did i know dis AUNT of mine b4...nor wer i interested in de chat)

Aunt: (Without any provocation) Well my son had secured de 16th rank in de AIEEE
Me:cool
(god knows...im not sure if heard de number right)
Aunt: He was wid PC 4 three years (pc thomas entrance coaching center, Kerala)...

Aunt: no no not a re-repeater as u may think
Me: ha (de lady didn't gimme a gap 2 guess)

Aunt: He was in de regular classes 4 two years den one repetition. Well he loathed medicine.
Me: sad
(wat de fuckin hell shud i do den? dis lady is gettin 'into' my nerves)

Aunt: what 'sad'?...he's now @ NIT Calicut u c...
Me: gud...hope he's got placed...
Aunt: yeah...of course...u know kid...if my son had tried he wud simply hav secured a seat in one of de Medical Colleges

Me: hmmm
(her 'kid' is right besides her...poor thing...i'll hold him innocent...)
(this is wat i really wanted 2 tell: Okay...den y de fuckin hell didnt u let him giv a try. Attitudes differ.Kid get yer mom off from here b4 i lose my patience)

(den v had some conversation wer v introduced ourselves 2 eachother 'in details'
4 niether of us knew eachother much.

Terms like aunt, uncle, cousin can be applied universally right?
every kin if not a brother or sister is yer 'cousin' be it de first cousin or second or third...Every older lady or guy is an Aunt or an Uncle)

Aunt: k...son...rush now...

Me: I think i had a nice time runnin in 2 u (grrrrrrrr) Aunt so wat do u do now?
Aunt: ENT

Me: wow
(yukkk u r a doctor...??? still speakin so rude about de profession??? *&%$#^&*** C'mon im feelin bad...really bad...)

Aunt's husband (silent all this time) : So dat authorises her 4 wat she just said na kid?? Just imagine gettin wedlocked after passin out wid an MBBS degree. U'll have 2 strech out yer hands 2 yer parents 2 fill yer purse.

Me: Yeah yeah.

I managed 2 escape de scene.

I was very much interested in de specimen i met n enquired about her. She enjoys de role of villainous aunt. She was a nurse 4 a couple of years wen finally she managed 2 join MBBS using some special 'quota'. Donno how she aquired a super specialty..She said ENT...HMMM...de kid is however bright from wat i've heard.

Now de confession part: De post is not intended 2 defame a family member(though de lady is a far 'too' distant relative). I felt totally bad. k..itz cent % REAL k...happened few days back. I kept 'mmmmm' de whole time n dis post contains all dat i wanted 2 yell@her.
Hope i won't get fired!!! or thrashed by my family.

Sorry 4 de offensive language.

ps.if u havn't chkd out yet here is my stage performance@college: tune in(de link)