Nostalgia

Was refreshing memories, walking along my college verandas. Suddenly someone was calling me as I neared the Dept. of Anatomy . I turned back.

"Lecture hallil ninnu mungi nadakkuvanno?" [Sneaking out of the lecture hall?]

Felt so happy hearing that :) :)

I couldn't recollect the name of this ma'am...but felt nice,
"Ayyo...njan pandu mungeetha ma'am...njan 2k5 batcharrnu..." [Ehh..had done that long back ma'am...I belong to the class of 2005]
We chatted for a while...

MBBS vs 'Verum MBBS'

Responses you get as soon as you achieve an MBBS admission:

• “Monu MBBS kitty alle? Brilliant aanallo”
• “Nannaayeda, nalloru Doctor aakanam keto”
• “Thiruvananthapuram Medical Collegilo? Great Mone, midukkan”

Responses you get as soon as you pass out of a Medical College with your MBBS degree:

• “Verum MBBSey ullu alle”
• “Ho ee MBBS matramokke kondu ippo enna cheyyana”
• “Ee verum MBBS karkonnum ippo vila illanne”
• “Ethila PG edukkan pone?”                                             
• “Ithu vare MD kitteelle?”

The following response was a shocker; it came from a tenth standard kid actually:

• “Annan MBBS matre padichitullu alle? Appo doctor alle?”                                                         

Things are more atrocious if an MBBS guy falls in love with a gal doing her MBBS:

• “Chekkan verum MBBS alle? Ha  MD kittuanel nokkam”

Doctor's 'IN' :The Vithura Chapter (mal title: Ningalenney Doctor Aakki)

"He who studies medicine without books sails an uncharted sea, but he who studies medicine without patients does not go to sea at all," said Osler.

Patients are interesting books to read and in that sense I read a lot these days. What follows are some of the conversations that hit my ear drums during my stay at Primary Health Centre, Pangappara and Community Health Centre, Vithura.

1)"Pani ennalle paranjathu, athinu moothrama parishodhikendey?"

(I said Fever and you want my urine tested?)

2) A 24hr duty is usually awesome, but on this rather terrific day I received an emergency call from the duty nurse.

I rushed, but this is what the patient had for me:

"Marumole kaanan vendi vannatha. Ithinadutha avalde veedu. Ivide doctor undennu kettappo onnu kandittu povannu vachu."

(I was here to visit my daughter-in-law who stays near by. Someone said the doctor is available, thought of checking out)

3) Even the moon was yawning at 2.45am when my colleague who was sound asleep in his duty room heard his door being knocked. He rises, searches for the stethoscope, opens the door.

"Staff nursa Doctorjee, urakkam varanilla. Enthenkilum kazikkano?"

(I'm a staff nurse Doctorjee, I'm not feeling sleepy)

4) "Nalla gasinte shalyama Doctor. Njan purathottu oothy vare nokki, ennittum aaswasam kittanilla"

("Severe gas trouble Doctor. I even tried blowing out air, there's no relief.)

5) Patient:"Wheezing's there Doc, nebulisation will do.

Gas trouble, antacid will do.

A slight fever, paracetamol will do.

Tiredness, vitamin tablet will do."

I : Anything else sir? Coffee?

6) My colleague notices an empty 500ml Pepsi bottle with the patient, "Enthina amme ee kuppi?" (What is this bottle for?). The old lady replies, "Oh kazinja thavana thanna chumakkulla marunnu thikanjathe illla mone. Athondu ithavana immini balya kuppeel thanna mathy". (Translation won't work here!!!)

7) A pretty young female patient walks into my colleague's OP and complaints, "Severe headache after I talked over phone continuously for 12 hours. Is something wrong?"

8) Patients and patience are what a doctor needs. I was having my dinner and I get a call from the emergency room. I run to the casualty room and finds the patient.

I : Yes?

Patient: Cold and running nose.

I : Since?

Patient: Yesterday

I : Now that's supposed to be an emergency?

Patient: Err...isn't it?

I could do nothing else but blast her off.

Here's one of the commonest replies that you get while enquiring for drug history:

I: Enthu marunna amme blood pressurinu kazikunne? (What medication do you have for Hypertension?)

Patient: Oh. Athoru chuvanna vattathilulla cheriya gulikaya mone (Oh. It's a tiny red round tablet)

...

‎"The simultaneous occurrence of scabies in a doctor and a nurse may mean that they have shared nothing more exciting than a patient with Norwegian scabies."

mY Aunt's 'COMPLEX'ion

(statutory warning : offencive language ahead)

background: My cousin's big fat wedding

Morning. The d-day. (Muhoortham is at 12.00pm). Everyone's runnin 2 get things done...makin de final arrangements

Aunt: Hey...u...
Me: Hiii...(panting)
Aunt: u should be nithin...right?
Me: Yep
Aunt: Finished yer course?
Me: Nopes...fourth year...
Aunt: So child...howz life@college
Me: hmm...cool...
(y de hell is dis lady askin all these @ this time. Well if my grey cells speak right this is our first CONFRONTATION)

Aunt: Feeling disappointed?
Me: woooot?? what 4?
Aunt: 4 havin chosen MBBS.
Me: hhhhhh...no..errr....
(waaaaaaaaat? i was almost electrocuted)

Aunt: do U know child? iT takes a life time 2 get established in de profession. MBBS...den u go upside down 4 de MD...try once...den repeat...den RE-repeat...den de MD...3 more years...den superspeciality...n finally by 55 or so u start gettin patients.

Me: oooo REALLY?

(Had I a chance, i wud've spat at her...honestly...niether did i know dis AUNT of mine b4...nor wer i interested in de chat)

Aunt: (Without any provocation) Well my son had secured de 16th rank in de AIEEE
Me:cool
(god knows...im not sure if heard de number right)
Aunt: He was wid PC 4 three years (pc thomas entrance coaching center, Kerala)...

Aunt: no no not a re-repeater as u may think
Me: ha (de lady didn't gimme a gap 2 guess)

Aunt: He was in de regular classes 4 two years den one repetition. Well he loathed medicine.
Me: sad
(wat de fuckin hell shud i do den? dis lady is gettin 'into' my nerves)

Aunt: what 'sad'?...he's now @ NIT Calicut u c...
Me: gud...hope he's got placed...
Aunt: yeah...of course...u know kid...if my son had tried he wud simply hav secured a seat in one of de Medical Colleges

Me: hmmm
(her 'kid' is right besides her...poor thing...i'll hold him innocent...)
(this is wat i really wanted 2 tell: Okay...den y de fuckin hell didnt u let him giv a try. Attitudes differ.Kid get yer mom off from here b4 i lose my patience)

(den v had some conversation wer v introduced ourselves 2 eachother 'in details'
4 niether of us knew eachother much.

Terms like aunt, uncle, cousin can be applied universally right?
every kin if not a brother or sister is yer 'cousin' be it de first cousin or second or third...Every older lady or guy is an Aunt or an Uncle)

Aunt: k...son...rush now...

Me: I think i had a nice time runnin in 2 u (grrrrrrrr) Aunt so wat do u do now?
Aunt: ENT

Me: wow
(yukkk u r a doctor...??? still speakin so rude about de profession??? *&%$#^&*** C'mon im feelin bad...really bad...)

Aunt's husband (silent all this time) : So dat authorises her 4 wat she just said na kid?? Just imagine gettin wedlocked after passin out wid an MBBS degree. U'll have 2 strech out yer hands 2 yer parents 2 fill yer purse.

Me: Yeah yeah.

I managed 2 escape de scene.

I was very much interested in de specimen i met n enquired about her. She enjoys de role of villainous aunt. She was a nurse 4 a couple of years wen finally she managed 2 join MBBS using some special 'quota'. Donno how she aquired a super specialty..She said ENT...HMMM...de kid is however bright from wat i've heard.

Now de confession part: De post is not intended 2 defame a family member(though de lady is a far 'too' distant relative). I felt totally bad. k..itz cent % REAL k...happened few days back. I kept 'mmmmm' de whole time n dis post contains all dat i wanted 2 yell@her.
Hope i won't get fired!!! or thrashed by my family.

Sorry 4 de offensive language.

ps.if u havn't chkd out yet here is my stage performance@college: tune in(de link)

Releasing Online...3,2,1...herez it

n herez de 'first online release' of de song

rate it :) review:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bQrkheozjI

Hugz n Kisses 2 all who helped us in de makin of this song
special applause 2 aji who suggested de title :)

‘I’ AM HERE… Or MAIN CHETAN BHAGAT BANNA CHAHTA HOON

“Hey, I’ve updated my blog…check it out”

A while later, I am hit with a reply-

“Hoo…it’s ‘too long’ pal. I have better things to do”

This was one moment that made me feel proud of myself…I successfully held back from replying

“Yeah…go…do the ‘better things’…don’t forget to get a condom…”

Sirji…what a ‘self-control’!!!

Yuckkkkkk.

So is this what a ‘blogger’ gets? Hmmm…I’ll stay here…anyway.

Well this occurred few months back…January to be exact…when I stepped into the blogosphere.

Weeks back…

I scrolled through the preface of ‘Five point someone’…even before reaching the prologue, I said to myself, “Hmmm…one day…I’ll create ripples…write something…and I’ll be another Chetan Bhagat”. I bunked the day’s posting (well…folks…bunking ‘surgery casualty’ was not new…just that…now I had a reason…!)

Once I completed the book…I said to myself…

Hey there’ll be a day when people say…’Chethan? Did you mean Nithin?’

He he…fortunately, dreams are never taxed…!!!

For few days…I was mad…desperately trying to get hold of the next book that he penned ‘One night at the call centre’…I didn’t get it… finally I bought ‘The three mistakes of my life’…I stressed ‘bought’ since reading a book is something that I did on every blue moon night and ‘spending’ money to buy a book was a thing that occurred on days when all ‘navagrihas stood in a line’

I finished the book at a record breaking speed that made me realise that if I read Harrison’s Internal Medicine so fast I would master the subject in months and become the new big thing in class…!!!

“Main Chetan Bhagat banna chahta hoon”

Few days later, I heard that the writer landed in Kerala. I read the interviews that filled newspapers.

The release of ‘YOU ARE HERE’ by Meenakshi Reddy…blogger-turned-author was another major event.

'Oh! The time is ripe' I said to myself…

The days that followed saw a dreamer…who kept aside his textbooks…stethoscope…what more…even my mobile phone…!!!(Nithin minus his mobile phone is a rare sight…and I promise…if there’s a paparazzo with a shot of me sitting without holding a mobile phone, let him try e-bay, he might get quite a lot of bucks!!!)

I recalled one of the most wonderful books I had read, ‘The god of small things’…the book that made me proud of being a malayalee (kudos to Arundhati Roy!!!)

I forgot simple questions like,

“Hey what would you do if your mobile phone didn’t have a thesaurus?”

“Hey what if Microsoft never added a spelling and grammar check or the auto-correct option?”

Yes…I had decided to become the new big thing…though in reality I was a ’blogger-turned-dreamer-turned eccentric medico’.

What did I have to fear? After all it is Nithin…the pompous-swashbuckling hero…with an ever-fresh mind ready to take up anything!!!

It didn’t take such a long time to return to the normal mood…

The following ‘events’ helped:

1) The article ‘Half naked in the flat’…a review of ‘You are here’ by Lakshmy Venkiteswaran (the New Sunday Express, Sep 14,2008)

“….Chetan Bhagat’s appalling and irksome novels becoming record-breaking best sellers”

2) The article ‘Book,booker,booked’…by Meena Kandasamy(the New Sunday Express, Sep 14,2008)

“The beginning of the book can give you a sense of déjà vu.

But after40 pages, you may skip paragraphs and then pages…”

3) The medical texts that I had kept arranged on my computer table-to remind me ‘I had lots to learn’!!!

4) A telephone conversation: “da remember Chetan graduated from IIT Delhi, then got into IIM-A, and finally settled…and then he penned his book…and you have too long a time ahead to graduate your MBBS”

5) The ever increasing tummy (ahem ahem de single mega pack) that the sedentary times I spent in front of my computer monitor had gifted me.

6) A recent exchange that took place in my kitchen

Chechi: ‘da get the uruli from the shelf, I can’t reach it’

Nithin: ‘Chechee…my eyes can’t catch a glimpse of the uruli…!!! Where is it?’

Chechi:’OH!!! This checkan (checkan=lad)…da an uruli is the thing that is right in front of your eyes.Take it’

Nithin: ‘ooops….i was searching for the tool that we use to make chapathees’

Chechi:’eeeeswaraaaaaa…nee ethu lokatha?(oh god…are you still on earth?)

I realised that being logical alone isn’t sufficient…URULI in Malayalam referred (as I had thought) to something round…!!! ‘Reality’ was different.

FINALLY I STEPPED BACK INTO THE WORLD WHERE PINCHING WOULD PAIN…

So world…’REST-IN-PEACE’…for now…

There will be a day.

A day...when… Kalidasa or Shakespeare will book tickets back to earth to thrash the newly unleashed terror!!!

Mera number aayega…!!!

Nithin:" So howzzat?"

Xyz: "Wow, Nithin, that’s a cool write-up. But why the hell are you so excited?

BLOGGING ain’t such a biiiig thing…"

Fortunately…I COULD RESIST FROM REPLYING

”F*&*% you”

(PS:K...Im baak...an official 'post' after a long time...this time...i need u 2 shoot...
holidayz r almost over...
;(
wid lots of luv...yers Nithin)

thanks 2 Smriti Srivasthava
and Amooma)

(I am one huge fan of Chetan Bhagat...and I am one guy who wishes for
Chetan's dreams of becoming India's favourite writer come true...
in my post i never compared myself to him...ooo...this has been typed in after going through the comment page)