mY Aunt's 'COMPLEX'ion

(statutory warning : offencive language ahead)

background: My cousin's big fat wedding

Morning. The d-day. (Muhoortham is at 12.00pm). Everyone's runnin 2 get things done...makin de final arrangements

Aunt: Hey...u...
Me: Hiii...(panting)
Aunt: u should be nithin...right?
Me: Yep
Aunt: Finished yer course?
Me: Nopes...fourth year...
Aunt: So child...howz life@college
Me: hmm...cool...
(y de hell is dis lady askin all these @ this time. Well if my grey cells speak right this is our first CONFRONTATION)

Aunt: Feeling disappointed?
Me: woooot?? what 4?
Aunt: 4 havin chosen MBBS.
Me: hhhhhh...no..errr....
(waaaaaaaaat? i was almost electrocuted)

Aunt: do U know child? iT takes a life time 2 get established in de profession. MBBS...den u go upside down 4 de MD...try once...den repeat...den RE-repeat...den de MD...3 more years...den superspeciality...n finally by 55 or so u start gettin patients.

Me: oooo REALLY?

(Had I a chance, i wud've spat at her...honestly...niether did i know dis AUNT of mine b4...nor wer i interested in de chat)

Aunt: (Without any provocation) Well my son had secured de 16th rank in de AIEEE
Me:cool
(god knows...im not sure if heard de number right)
Aunt: He was wid PC 4 three years (pc thomas entrance coaching center, Kerala)...

Aunt: no no not a re-repeater as u may think
Me: ha (de lady didn't gimme a gap 2 guess)

Aunt: He was in de regular classes 4 two years den one repetition. Well he loathed medicine.
Me: sad
(wat de fuckin hell shud i do den? dis lady is gettin 'into' my nerves)

Aunt: what 'sad'?...he's now @ NIT Calicut u c...
Me: gud...hope he's got placed...
Aunt: yeah...of course...u know kid...if my son had tried he wud simply hav secured a seat in one of de Medical Colleges

Me: hmmm
(her 'kid' is right besides her...poor thing...i'll hold him innocent...)
(this is wat i really wanted 2 tell: Okay...den y de fuckin hell didnt u let him giv a try. Attitudes differ.Kid get yer mom off from here b4 i lose my patience)

(den v had some conversation wer v introduced ourselves 2 eachother 'in details'
4 niether of us knew eachother much.

Terms like aunt, uncle, cousin can be applied universally right?
every kin if not a brother or sister is yer 'cousin' be it de first cousin or second or third...Every older lady or guy is an Aunt or an Uncle)

Aunt: k...son...rush now...

Me: I think i had a nice time runnin in 2 u (grrrrrrrr) Aunt so wat do u do now?
Aunt: ENT

Me: wow
(yukkk u r a doctor...??? still speakin so rude about de profession??? *&%$#^&*** C'mon im feelin bad...really bad...)

Aunt's husband (silent all this time) : So dat authorises her 4 wat she just said na kid?? Just imagine gettin wedlocked after passin out wid an MBBS degree. U'll have 2 strech out yer hands 2 yer parents 2 fill yer purse.

Me: Yeah yeah.

I managed 2 escape de scene.

I was very much interested in de specimen i met n enquired about her. She enjoys de role of villainous aunt. She was a nurse 4 a couple of years wen finally she managed 2 join MBBS using some special 'quota'. Donno how she aquired a super specialty..She said ENT...HMMM...de kid is however bright from wat i've heard.

Now de confession part: De post is not intended 2 defame a family member(though de lady is a far 'too' distant relative). I felt totally bad. k..itz cent % REAL k...happened few days back. I kept 'mmmmm' de whole time n dis post contains all dat i wanted 2 yell@her.
Hope i won't get fired!!! or thrashed by my family.

Sorry 4 de offensive language.

ps.if u havn't chkd out yet here is my stage performance@college: tune in(de link)

Rekha’s pregnancy n de Global Recession…!!!

“JEALOUSY: It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered”-Aeschylus

A week back.

tic tic…tic tic…’sms’

Ms.ABC:‘Da She’s pregnant’

ME:‘Waaaat…who?’

Ms.ABC:‘Rekha…barely 4 months since de wedding bash’

ME:‘Wowww…cool…’

Ms.ABC‘Waz cool…hmmmm’

ME:‘he he, itz a typical Indian woman whom I’m messaging right now ha’

Ms.ABC:‘Yep…da…grrr…she’s just a week younger than me’

ME:‘Ha ha hu hu’

Well folks…hope i don’t get sued for posting this article…it’s true.

Rekha’s pregnancy is the latest buzz among my old school mates. Whenever there is a phone call…even before a ‘hello’ de conversation is ‘ALIYA AVALKU KUTTIYAVARAYI’…(“HEY WE R GONNA BE UNCLES AND AUNTS’). She turned out to be a trendsetter. Completed her course…snatched a job…got engaged…then de wedding bash…and then Singapore, Malaysia…and finally she’s gonna b a mother, ALL IN A SPLIT SECOND.

The bad part is…the gals have already turned into green eyed monsters. Most of them are still struggling…some with their courses, other’s with their jobs… February 14’s still dry for many.

I still remember the kind of struggle i went through…i ran amok through every corner of my house during the pre-college admission dates. I didn’t want to enter a Medical College. Climax was tragic…Parents won. Years passed by…i began to receive messages “Machaaaa got placed…salary xxxxx per annum”.

I would shout to Amma (poor Amma…Dad rarely got chance to taste my fury…he wouldn’t be home during those violent episodes

…

…k…k…readers…i admit…i used to plan the shots when he wouldn’t be home…hmmm)

Amma would remain silent…with a hidden smile. Well she scores over me these days. Coz she’ll be right besides me whenever my ol’ pals ring me. Most of them who turned into ‘engineering’ and jumped into firms through campus interviews (‘firms’ include de core ones like Wipro, L&T)have started looking for new means of living…bank tests…higher studies etc.

AS I type in, the face that runs into my mind is that of Jhonsy ( yeah daz de nick name). He was one of de few who acted ‘wise’. He wasn’t lured by de lump of sums that firms promised…he joined MTECH…I met him yesterday…So happy he is 4 de stitch in time… just because he didn’t join de FIRM… hmmm…guess where he was placed through campus selections???

'SATYAM'

Returning to Rekha…congrats dear…!!! Lucky gal…(???). You have lit a fire among all gals who were with us. Hooo…fortunately…men haven’t yet signed similar ventures. We haven’t yet started thinking of all these (this ‘we’ doesn’t include me…gosh i’ll have to wait till 2k11…no…shit…de current status is dad says ‘joining MD is de apt time 4 an engagement’..grrrrr)

(Well folks…this article is just to tickle the lighter side of yer brains. No INJURIES intended. Casualties if reported…i assure i’ll delete this post. And Rekha is indeed a fake name!!! but i admit…the character do exist!!!

Hope de economic break down will be patched up real soon…)

(proudly announcin dat nithin is about 2 return into 'voracious' bloggin real soon) :)

a Luv-leTTer 2 Weddin!!!

(non-fiction!!! itz real)
(originally posted in smiley tissues)
(n dis onez short...so no excuses neha!!!)

TRING TRING ...

TRING TRING...

ME: hELLOOOO
ABC: Hey nithin!!!

ME: (ooops..hmm...?? ive heard dis voice b4) Welll hiiiiiiiiii...!!! wazup...long since v spoke na..!!!

ABC: c'mon da...he he...don't bluff...u havent recognised me yet na..!!!! too long a time has passed since v spoke..!!!

ME: Actually...hmm...dis sound is too familiar..oh cmon slap me 4 not recollectin dese mesmerisin notes of music...!!!

ABC: Oh!! dear u havent changed a bit !!! :) he he...still on spectacles na?

ME: yup...!!!

ABC: Ill giv a clue. I had send u a LUV LETTER...years baak ...11th std...!!!remember???

ME: WHATTTTTTTTTTTT??? LORD...!!! Either i shud curse de postal service or u filled in de wrong address....Pal it NEVER REACHED ME...

ABC: HE HE...DONT worry...im not gonna send it again!! he he..Well here's de second clue. I'D fooled u wid a similar call few months back..!!

ME: WOW.............'ABC'...u idiot...im gonna kick u de nxt time v meet he he...!!!
luvly surprise niway pal....!!!

ABC: he he...so buddy..guess wat i called u 4?

ME: hmmmm...!!! he he....feb 14 is near...!!! perhaps upgrading 2 emails or sms..??

ABC: GRRRRRRRRR....dis kid..!!!! hey...Itz my weddin...!! dis feb...

ME: (errr...) woooooo..CMON...all of a sudden a gal rings me n remind me of her luv letter n den she invites me 4 her weddin!!!!

ABC: HE HE !!!! HEY...dude ive lost my phone buk...send all de numbers u know...k...?? I miss my ol' pals...!!! n u de official bbc shud b in touch wid most na.. :)

ME: sure pal...!!! so whoz de 'chosen one'...poor guy he he...!!!

(de conversation continued)