The death sentence

Some people are unlucky to live long enough to suffer all the tragedy that life can hold. 'A life sans health is not really worth living', I often hear this from my patients.

I was notified about the arrival of this patient as soon as the ambulance started from his home. The hospital staff knew him as a regular inpatient. Everyone knew that he had suffered enough. His relatives were convinced that only death could save him. He had presented now with a failing heart. His medical history revealed too long a list of ailments that a mortal can suffer. Yet I found it hard to keep him at the emergency room and do nothing, watch him die. He was gasping, loud. Someone else within me walked towards his son and said, "his condition is bad, and I know your situation; but I can't let him stay here and await his death. I am taking him to the I.C.U". After thinking for a moment, he said in a depressed tone, " do whatever is needed". He returned to his mother, an old lady with a mask like face.

All the life saving procedures were done as per protocol, and he improved. By dawn he was stable. Before signing off my duty hours, I enquired the I.C.U staff about his status. The news, that he was coping well, did not gift me the satisfaction that I normally get when I hear that someone was saved. Did I err by extending his period of suffering on earth? He lived, to die another day.

(Image credit: Blaklyon)

MBBS vs 'Verum MBBS'

Responses you get as soon as you achieve an MBBS admission:

• “Monu MBBS kitty alle? Brilliant aanallo”
• “Nannaayeda, nalloru Doctor aakanam keto”
• “Thiruvananthapuram Medical Collegilo? Great Mone, midukkan”

Responses you get as soon as you pass out of a Medical College with your MBBS degree:

• “Verum MBBSey ullu alle”
• “Ho ee MBBS matramokke kondu ippo enna cheyyana”
• “Ee verum MBBS karkonnum ippo vila illanne”
• “Ethila PG edukkan pone?”                                             
• “Ithu vare MD kitteelle?”

The following response was a shocker; it came from a tenth standard kid actually:

• “Annan MBBS matre padichitullu alle? Appo doctor alle?”                                                         

Things are more atrocious if an MBBS guy falls in love with a gal doing her MBBS:

• “Chekkan verum MBBS alle? Ha  MD kittuanel nokkam”

the Lion, the Old Man and the MAGIC BULLET

A 75 year partially deaf old man with COPD (a respiratory disease) kept on insisting  that I prescribe the particular dissoluble powder that when drunk (mixed with water) used to relieve his breathing problems. I scanned his documents...found nothing fruitful. To be frank I was ignorant of such a powder! So at last I asked him to bring the magic powder.


After an hour he reaches my room. He gave me a wrapped up sachet.
I haven't unwrapped Snickers with such haste...

The magic drug was nothing else but O.R.S.

It took five minutes explaining to him what O.R.S was. Felt bad, most of his older prescription had orders for O.R.S. The patient denied of suffering diarrhoea (yeah yeah Everybody Lies!).

He left. Sigh! I had shattered his belief, the placebo wouldn't work any more. The disappointment that shadowed his face when he learnt that the magic drug was only meant for dehydration...was...frankly (yeah yeah slap me)...funny!

(Now before I'm branded 'SADIST', I leave...)

update: Officially a Doctor (I prefer the Half Doc.status) at last. Currently doing the 'compelled' rural service at Primary Health Center at PERUMON, Kollam, Kerala.

Dr.

Where exactly did you hear the heart sounds?

With a rather exuberant gush of confidence, my index finger pointed to somewhere a few centimeters away from the mother’s umbilicus.

Impressive, but I’m afraid the USG revealed a dead foetus hours ago.

I saw no point in blaming my Littman anymore. I walked out of the ward.

Beep beep…beep beep….

Wake up Joe. It’s your phone.

9:13pm. So I’d really dozed off. Again.

I had never performed a venous cut down before. Her burnt body evoked a terrible sense of sympathy in me. I hesitated to make the first incision.

Don’t worry Joe, with 60% burns she won’t survive anyway. You’ve got too many lives to save.

I normally respect the words of a Post Graduate. But I still wonder what forced me to remove the gloves and walk away.

Beep beep…beep beep…

Where I stood now was filled with a cacophony, and it did not smell too good, either.

Now that’s for her own good brother. If you don’t do it now she’ll lose her leg soon.

So that’s it. The lady’s wails didn’t deter me from cutting her flesh off. The barbarian in me carried on his work till he saw fresh blood. There was little slough left to be chopped off.

Beep beep…beep beep…

Am I supposed to wait till the flow stops?

The PG stared at me, nonplussed.

Now CSF is what is being siphoned out and you ask me this?

Oh! I’d gotten carried away.

Yeah, you should be. The nursing student is a charming view.

A violent tremor.

Slept off again Sir? It’ll take another fifteen minutes, I suppose.

This whole journey must have shed a few kilos of mine. This ambulance should be older than me. I glanced back. The young lady was comfortable with her head resting on her husband’s lap.

Poor thing, I hope it’s not an ectopic. I hardly attempted to console the couple. Not because I was iron hearted. The couple spoke the kind of Hindi that our driver, an experienced authority, couldn’t decipher.

Finally we reached a tertiary care setup. We rushed to the Department of Radiodiagnosis.

Dark room. Radiologist.Nurse. The Hindi patient. Young doctor.

Except for the physical presence, I knew little about the intricacies of ultrasound imaging.

Okay. Radiologist- "Where's the condom?"

Err...I return her nothing but a startled look. She extends her hands to the nurse. The nurse searches the table and hands her something.

Ahem.

She turns to me. My expression should have carried her to any of the viva voce sessions she passed through as an undergraduate.

"Well I need a trans vaginal ultrasound for her. Hmmm do you prefer to share this room or..."

I could hardly give her time to complete. I rushed out of the room; out of the scan center.

Crossed the road.

Bought a bottle of mineral water.

Finished it. Waited (along with the husband) for the scanning process to be over.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“At last, here we are”, driver broke the silence.

“Joe, wake up. Here, wear your specs and ehh wipe you face”

Yawns. Stretches.

The couple stepped out of the car. A huge banner welcomed them all.

‘DOS ENSEMBLE’

Now what does that mean any way?

The Alumni meet kick started in an hour.

(CSF: Cerebro Spinal Fluid. Often tapped for diagnostic studies)

(Contains part of a previous post

Dark room, Radiologist and Condom)

Doctor's 'IN' :The Vithura Chapter (mal title: Ningalenney Doctor Aakki)

"He who studies medicine without books sails an uncharted sea, but he who studies medicine without patients does not go to sea at all," said Osler.

Patients are interesting books to read and in that sense I read a lot these days. What follows are some of the conversations that hit my ear drums during my stay at Primary Health Centre, Pangappara and Community Health Centre, Vithura.

1)"Pani ennalle paranjathu, athinu moothrama parishodhikendey?"

(I said Fever and you want my urine tested?)

2) A 24hr duty is usually awesome, but on this rather terrific day I received an emergency call from the duty nurse.

I rushed, but this is what the patient had for me:

"Marumole kaanan vendi vannatha. Ithinadutha avalde veedu. Ivide doctor undennu kettappo onnu kandittu povannu vachu."

(I was here to visit my daughter-in-law who stays near by. Someone said the doctor is available, thought of checking out)

3) Even the moon was yawning at 2.45am when my colleague who was sound asleep in his duty room heard his door being knocked. He rises, searches for the stethoscope, opens the door.

"Staff nursa Doctorjee, urakkam varanilla. Enthenkilum kazikkano?"

(I'm a staff nurse Doctorjee, I'm not feeling sleepy)

4) "Nalla gasinte shalyama Doctor. Njan purathottu oothy vare nokki, ennittum aaswasam kittanilla"

("Severe gas trouble Doctor. I even tried blowing out air, there's no relief.)

5) Patient:"Wheezing's there Doc, nebulisation will do.

Gas trouble, antacid will do.

A slight fever, paracetamol will do.

Tiredness, vitamin tablet will do."

I : Anything else sir? Coffee?

6) My colleague notices an empty 500ml Pepsi bottle with the patient, "Enthina amme ee kuppi?" (What is this bottle for?). The old lady replies, "Oh kazinja thavana thanna chumakkulla marunnu thikanjathe illla mone. Athondu ithavana immini balya kuppeel thanna mathy". (Translation won't work here!!!)

7) A pretty young female patient walks into my colleague's OP and complaints, "Severe headache after I talked over phone continuously for 12 hours. Is something wrong?"

8) Patients and patience are what a doctor needs. I was having my dinner and I get a call from the emergency room. I run to the casualty room and finds the patient.

I : Yes?

Patient: Cold and running nose.

I : Since?

Patient: Yesterday

I : Now that's supposed to be an emergency?

Patient: Err...isn't it?

I could do nothing else but blast her off.

Here's one of the commonest replies that you get while enquiring for drug history:

I: Enthu marunna amme blood pressurinu kazikunne? (What medication do you have for Hypertension?)

Patient: Oh. Athoru chuvanna vattathilulla cheriya gulikaya mone (Oh. It's a tiny red round tablet)

...

‎"The simultaneous occurrence of scabies in a doctor and a nurse may mean that they have shared nothing more exciting than a patient with Norwegian scabies."

PATERNITY

“You’ll sleep now”

Silence deafened me. With the closure of my eyes darkness was obvious. But it was not the shade of the devil that forbade me from getting sleep. I feared the vision that has been repeatedly visiting me. They say dreams speak about the future. But I was seeing my past. I felt as if those dreams were answering my ever pondering grey cells. All my life, I’d been searching for answers that enthral me, answers to questions about my past.

My life wasn’t a miserable one. I was born filthy rich...posthumous child of a ‘great man’. A great diagnostician who loathed getting himself ‘treated’. ‘Treated’? Just like the rest of the world I didn’t know if he had a thing to be treated for. But the dreams that came in last week spoke things that pierced my eardrum. It was ‘grief’ that killed my father. One tiny blunder cost him the life of his patient. No one enquired about the ‘natural’ death of the 75-year-old cardiac patient. But the great man who was treating the guy knew ‘if the first tiny error in his professional career’ hadn’t happened, the guy would’ve had a few more years of sufferings on earth.

But that was the story they said last week. Worse revelations followed. I discovered that I was not the only soul within my body. Two men resided in me. Ten incarnations (avatars) were not required to get the lessons that these two individuals taught me in just one life span. After all everything serves a purpose. Life plays its role, just like time does. Angel and demon shared my body. I loved to see smiles everywhere, tried to shower happiness everywhere, failed. God never bestowed me with his powers. ‘Forget him’ I mocked. “I couldn’t build the empire of eternal sunshine...maybe I could demolish the fortress of demons” I thought. That never worked either. Yeah, a lowly mortal I am.

I began as a hero, following the footsteps dad left behind. A true hero I was...then. I enjoyed the warmth of the limelight that lit me. Then I tried to sustain it. The devil was born. Time moved on. I continued to be in disguise. I was still a hero to all. The devil however made sure not a lie that was uttered would end up as grievous blows. So in effect everyone was happy, just like me. ‘Immaculate lies’ are allowed, I figured out.

Dreams began to debate. They said I didn’t walk like my ‘father’, talk like him, act like him. Perhaps I wasn’t his kid.

I threatened to cut my vein. The ground flooded with her tears. What poured out from her was a story of betrayal. It was not the pleasure that a widow would long for, that brought me into this world. The sole friend who extended care to the depressed wife of his beloved friend after his demise had raped her. She didn’t avenge. The rascal’s life was taken away by a drunken driver instead. The entire chain of events remained safe within the walls of her brain. My mother wanted an heir. Wolves would greedily eat away the fortunes, she feared. One ‘immaculate lie’ worked.

Dreams couldn’t say if her heart still burned. I can’t ask them, if she had erred. No...I don’t want them yelling out more truths...I won’t sleep again...

“Wake up now”

B: “Hey...buddy, sweating??? What Happened?”

A: “MAN...U SERIOUS??? All about your dad...and other stuff”(Panting)

B: “ha ha...idiot...right from the time we did our internship I’d been telling you’ll never be good with psychiatry”

A: “Shit...so weren’t actually hypnotised...grrr”

B: “Buddy...anyway you unleashed a master story teller...he he...kudos for that”

A: uuuuuuuuuuuuuu....SMAAAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH...idiot, you are pathetic with genetics too...

B: ooof :)

(pdf format available@paternity-scribd.com

download ebook from mediafire)

Rekha’s pregnancy n de Global Recession…!!!

“JEALOUSY: It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered”-Aeschylus

A week back.

tic tic…tic tic…’sms’

Ms.ABC:‘Da She’s pregnant’

ME:‘Waaaat…who?’

Ms.ABC:‘Rekha…barely 4 months since de wedding bash’

ME:‘Wowww…cool…’

Ms.ABC‘Waz cool…hmmmm’

ME:‘he he, itz a typical Indian woman whom I’m messaging right now ha’

Ms.ABC:‘Yep…da…grrr…she’s just a week younger than me’

ME:‘Ha ha hu hu’

Well folks…hope i don’t get sued for posting this article…it’s true.

Rekha’s pregnancy is the latest buzz among my old school mates. Whenever there is a phone call…even before a ‘hello’ de conversation is ‘ALIYA AVALKU KUTTIYAVARAYI’…(“HEY WE R GONNA BE UNCLES AND AUNTS’). She turned out to be a trendsetter. Completed her course…snatched a job…got engaged…then de wedding bash…and then Singapore, Malaysia…and finally she’s gonna b a mother, ALL IN A SPLIT SECOND.

The bad part is…the gals have already turned into green eyed monsters. Most of them are still struggling…some with their courses, other’s with their jobs… February 14’s still dry for many.

I still remember the kind of struggle i went through…i ran amok through every corner of my house during the pre-college admission dates. I didn’t want to enter a Medical College. Climax was tragic…Parents won. Years passed by…i began to receive messages “Machaaaa got placed…salary xxxxx per annum”.

I would shout to Amma (poor Amma…Dad rarely got chance to taste my fury…he wouldn’t be home during those violent episodes

…

…k…k…readers…i admit…i used to plan the shots when he wouldn’t be home…hmmm)

Amma would remain silent…with a hidden smile. Well she scores over me these days. Coz she’ll be right besides me whenever my ol’ pals ring me. Most of them who turned into ‘engineering’ and jumped into firms through campus interviews (‘firms’ include de core ones like Wipro, L&T)have started looking for new means of living…bank tests…higher studies etc.

AS I type in, the face that runs into my mind is that of Jhonsy ( yeah daz de nick name). He was one of de few who acted ‘wise’. He wasn’t lured by de lump of sums that firms promised…he joined MTECH…I met him yesterday…So happy he is 4 de stitch in time… just because he didn’t join de FIRM… hmmm…guess where he was placed through campus selections???

'SATYAM'

Returning to Rekha…congrats dear…!!! Lucky gal…(???). You have lit a fire among all gals who were with us. Hooo…fortunately…men haven’t yet signed similar ventures. We haven’t yet started thinking of all these (this ‘we’ doesn’t include me…gosh i’ll have to wait till 2k11…no…shit…de current status is dad says ‘joining MD is de apt time 4 an engagement’..grrrrr)

(Well folks…this article is just to tickle the lighter side of yer brains. No INJURIES intended. Casualties if reported…i assure i’ll delete this post. And Rekha is indeed a fake name!!! but i admit…the character do exist!!!

Hope de economic break down will be patched up real soon…)

(proudly announcin dat nithin is about 2 return into 'voracious' bloggin real soon) :)