Sunday, December 6, 2009



None of the events that make this story would’ve occurred if a loathed rascal lazily rested home instead of his regular night ‘patrol’ in the street. I am not exactly sure if he had a heart, but he stopped on hearing me weeping. I was then a pink mass, fresh with a bleeding umbilical cord. I don’t know if my mother had seen my face before she breathed the last puff of blood-tinged air. Well I was a dark corner of the street and a thief found me. If I hadn’t distracted him, a Clerk who lived in the next street would’ve filled the newspapers the next day. My ‘DAD’ had planned to rob a Clerk that night. But on his way, he found me.

Unaware (and least bothered) of the purity of blood that gushed through my vessels, I grew up. Perhaps saving my life was the only good thing that my ‘DAD’ ever did. His deeds were rewarded well.

The day that marked my 18th birthday began with a commotion at one corner of the street. It occurred around a blood drenched lifeless body. I ran. No one was chasing me but I was running...unaware of what I was running from.


His soul might wander for years recklessly, for the kind of death he had was not the one he wished for. He’ll be one of the very few mortals who lived all forty-five years exactly the way they wished. He was invincible. He was never deprived of anything...he would get whatever he wanted, by any means. Never did he bother about the pain he caused when he snatched his wishes from people - wealth or dignity.

He brought me up the way he wished. He used to say, “You won’t live on Earth for more than a life time, the life you now live is a one-time affair; there is no rebirth”. He repeatedly recited that he lived on principles. I would listen to him innocently biting the fresh loaves he brought, ignorant of what his mumbles meant. I was always a mature listener in his eyes. As a five-year old, I understood nothing...but with years, I began to grasp what he said.

The man was ignorant. “Slam the doors at beggars and Education. Neither is of any utility”, he said. Man is a beast in chains. Once the shackles are broken, he is more dangerous and wicked than a hungry hyena. “They say that education opens the gate to growth. An ignorant man errs barbarically while an educated one executes the same errors in a more civilised yet crooked fashion”, I don’t know how this man, my ‘DAD’, could speak so convincingly...but this one made sense. .There are just three entities that define the purpose of life-food, wealth, and sex.

He never forced me to take his path. Instead, he jeered at and cursed my creators. We were never bound to each other by any strong forces. He gave me what one needed to live. I stayed with him. If I were a burden he would have disposed me, but that never happened. Perhaps all that he wanted was something with life in it to listen to him.

The monotony of life began to disturb my sleep. Once I said this to him, he said, “Monotony, boredom...yeah that’s because you never get a chance to wait for something, I bring them to you before you start craving”, he then glanced at his watch, “wait! you said monotony right? Now I get it, you are growing up man; see past 17...I used to have similar problems at this age. But, hey, you know what I was physically stronger than you are now. And the pretty lady who appeared in my path one night was too weak to run away from my grasp”

“ have been a rapist too?” never before had I questioned him.

“Just once...once...I didn’t know about brothels then...neither did I have the money; No remorse; she was 15 and not a virgin” he calmly replied.

‘But you never knew that when you chased her’ I didn’t have the courage to shout that at him. Strange! The man always has a reason for everything.


Spring never lasts, neither does a storm. For the first time in my life I saw fear in his eyes. I couldn’t think of a reason. But something was definitely wrong. As he was about to leave I asked the one question that always puzzled me, “Why did you stop for me that night?”

He slowed his steps. “I was not in a hurry that night, and had minutes to spare when I heard your cry. It was bloody all around. I stared at the pale lifeless body near you. I stared at her face; was struck by a thunderbolt...the face was familiar...I had seen that same paleness in her face before,  when she struggled to escape from me. Don’t women age?”

I felt paralyzed, couldn’t speak a word. It was already dark.

“Ciao...kid”, did he smile when he said that?

I stayed on bed for another hour, and then rose. I knew what to do or was it an impulse? I don’t know. I began to walk; I knew the path he might’ve taken that night...I rushed.


I can’t run anymore. Where have I reached? All I know is this; no one will ever question me for what I’ve done.

But for the time being, let me hide in the dark...alone, with not even my shadow to disturb.

Friday, November 13, 2009


>DATE...not exactly sure,a year back< >8.55am< >Indian Coffee House, Medical College Junction, Trivandrum< style="font-weight: bold;">"Hey Nithin"

I had a coffee...wid my special 'oldest' in my huge list of buddies...Dr.Alex Ittyavirah n Dr.Laly Alex...

Rest was history...!!!
This was what came up:
Link 2 song: Jyotirgamaya

The Dance choreographed by Dr.Arya n Gayatri

Curse de youtube 4 de poor video quality :) I tried uploading de org file but failed miserably!!!
This one is the compressed version

For all those who came in late: Here's my first song yet not 'choreographed' boo hoo :(

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Colloquially "De World Sucks"...

Technically it's called Gravity

Saturday, October 17, 2009



Oh! No...This shouldn’t be real. It’s indeed true that in 22 years of my existence, there has not been a single instance when I did something on time. But this time around...I won’t beg for pardon. How could I be late? Where did I go...what was I doing for the past fifteen minutes...? God Oh God...tell me my watch is a liar.

10 o’ clock was my decision. I think she said ‘yes’ to it. Or did she? In spite of the crystal clear reception I had barely breathed just to make sure that I wouldn’t miss a word that she said. Yeah she said ‘yes’.

Hey, should I panic? After all, if everything works fine, I’m supposed to lock her up for a life my heart. So is fifteen minutes all that long? is...

We’ve known each other for more than a year now...and imagine the kind of amusement that’ll shower upon even the hardest of the souls when they know that this is the first time we are meeting. I think that’ll explain the length of these fifteen minutes.

I believe this’ll be the longest fifteen minutes in her life.

Wait...what’s that rush out there...? Whatever it is, I don’t have seconds or minutes to spare. It’s not because I’m selfish, but...I have things that are more vital to my life. After all it’s my life that I’m supposed to take care of...

Okay...fine...I am that? O...o...I am wasting my time again...Run Forrest run!!! Princess is waiting for you.

It was a year back when she wrongly typed in an e-mail address. She never knew that my heart would end up as the inbox. Ever heard of a love story that began with the heroine sending her resume to the hero? In our case...that happened.

What is she going to look like? Well...don’t jeer at’s a fact that I never asked for her picture. All that I have is the description that poured out of the only common friend we had...

I know her voice. For, it’s the mesmerising ‘hello’ that flew through the telephone line that created ripples in my ear drum and later in my heart. My interests in her sprouted up in the orchard of ‘chat rooms’! I still remember the tremor with which I typed in ‘can you give me your phone number’.

That is the past...and today...after a year of romance through words, I’ll meet her. Do I really expect the beauty of my dreams? Is she going be taller than me? Is the colour contrast going to be too ‘drastic’? O...o...god...should I really care? I know...Love is blind!!! But just wedding, and reality returning with a vengeance. He he...!!!

OOOOfffff at last...Thar she blows!!!!

That bench in the park...and there she sits...the unseen princess of my life.

Oh! I can’t see her face...

I’ll slowly give you a surprise ‘hi’ from your back!!! Here I

Closer...almost there... I supposed to believe this...!!! She is a charming fairy!!! O...!!! LUCKY DUDE!!! is the time...

Hey is she nervous? Yeah...she should be!!! Her fingers must have fatigued hitting the call button in her mobile. Poor princess! Wait...why isn’t my mobile still ringing?

Shall I touch her? Ooo...


I think I sounded majestic! But is she deaf?


Is there a problem?

“HEY, it’s me Nithin. Hello.”

Oh! Is this girl blind?

Hey...there is a problem..."Sneha...can’t you see me? "

Is this supposed to be a prank?

She is still pressing those buttons in her mobile. Why in the world isn’t my mobile ringing?

Aaaha...well two can play this game, let me see...I’ll share this corner of the bench

Wait...Hey man...what...are you planning to sit on my lap? Oh...C’mon...You stink...Oh there should be an asylum to keep lunatics like you. no...I’ll rise...

Wait...your watch is blood stained...

Hey that’s mine...this is not possible...

Sneha is trying again. more games...

But but...something’s lit up in the shaggy pocket of the tramp.

That’s my ringtone...

Oh! There she looked up expectantly...and for a brief moment I think I saw a gleam in her eyes...

My princess...

Seeing the tramp she looked away...

I saw tears swelling up in her eyes. She rose, silent, walked off into the distance...

(Thanks to Azgar...and someone else...)

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Talking Mirror

"It's fun to play Hitler...
as long as the mirror plays dumb"

(ps:2 hectic schedules posted@medicine...spine's broken
plus gud news, my second 'experiment wid music will b out this week)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Manipulator

(Thnx 2 blogadda...this post featured in the top picks click here)

To change or not to was never hard to make a choice. The galvanizing fact that I was alive meant I could change. ‘Who would turn the key’ was the million dollar question. I would either let Time do the magic or I would let my brain do the manipulation. Naturally I chose the second option. How could someone blame me? I am a human...within the trillions of neuronal circuits rests, beast, and god. They would fight each other all the time...victory would never rest with one for keeps on changing. But I would never know who won...The end product is never merely a physical change that a mirror would reflect.

This time, however, I assumed the beast had won. How else could the thought of breaking a promise made years back pop up in my brain? Just like anyone around, I had a reason...just to substantiate my stand...’betrayal of a friend’ was hence easy. After all everything happens for a reason...good or bad.

Unknown and unseen forces conspired and a multitude of traits mixed up in magical proportions and a human form sprouted up...took the form of the lady of my dreams. I realised she was the one for me at the very first sight. It took me ages however to manipulate myself and her and the entire milieu, and the purpose was served... We married...every one concluded our chapter with the words ‘and they lived happily ever after’...

The immortality of our love would someday end up just like any other fact that fills the universe...’another fallacy’. What is a ‘fact’ anyway? You prove something to be true today and Time or another petite mortal proves the opposite, some other day. Not even science can fill gaps. The very gaps that science leaves are filled by deadly lies...or soothing lies. The ever soothing God, or a plundering demon, or a weird superstition, are all proofs for the weaknesses of science.

The very truths I had spun myself would someday shatter before her innocence. But the very fear that revelations would drive her away prevented me from spilling the truths. All I wanted was to win the prettiest damsel my eyes had ever seen. I didn’t care about the true inner beauties that adorned her. But there was someone who loved it, the closest friend of mine who introduced her to me years back. Naive he was...ignorant he was about the devil who took birth in me the moment I saw her. The poor chap didn’t know how to propose. The princess never had a clue about the place she had in his heart.

He was a moron...winning his trust over matters took seconds. I brilliantly penned the rest of the tale. By the end of a month...I ‘made’ her realise that all he wanted was her body. Just like a complementary gift came her trust on me. Everything worked so well.

With time I realised she was much more than the sexy curves and charming charisma that lured me. She taught me to respect the inner beauty of womanhood. Remorse began to flood my heart. I would give her the love and warmth that no one else would have bestowed her with. That would be the only holy water that can wash my sins.

My poor friend still lives somewhere...probably still unaware of what had happened...Heaven or hell...wherever you friend, let me spill the truth...I had to kill you...your attempt to suicide never worked out...I rushed you to the were put on dialysis...the toxins flushed out...the doctor put you on iv infusion. I had to push some potassium into it when no one else was looking so as to bring the sudden arrhythmia that none could save you from.

No one would figure things out...but I fear...someday...I would tell her the truth...but by that time, I’m damn sure she won’t think that she missed you. Love is all that matters dear friend...

See you in hell or heaven,

The Manipulator

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


“You’ll sleep now”

Silence deafened me. With the closure of my eyes darkness was obvious. But it was not the shade of the devil that forbade me from getting sleep. I feared the vision that has been repeatedly visiting me. They say dreams speak about the future. But I was seeing my past. I felt as if those dreams where answering my ever pondering grey cells. All my life, I’d been searching for answers that enthral me, answers to questions about my past.

My life wasn’t a miserable one. I was born filthy rich...posthumous child of a ‘great man’. A great diagnostician who loathed getting himself ‘treated’. ‘Treated’? Just like the rest of the world I didn’t know if he had a thing to be treated for. But the dreams that came in last week spoke things that pierced my eardrum. It was ‘grief’ that killed my father. One tiny blunder cost him the life of his patient. No one enquired about the ‘natural’ death of the 65 year old cardiac patient. But the great man who was treating the guy knew ‘if the first tiny error in his professional career’ hadn’t happened, the guy would’ve had few more years of sufferings on earth.

But that was the story they said last week. Worse revelations followed. I discovered that I was not the only soul within my body. Two men resided in me. Ten incarnations (avatars) were not required to get the lessons that these two individuals taught me in just one life span. After all everything serves a purpose. Life plays its role, just like time does. Angel and demon shared my body. I loved to see smiles everywhere, tried to shower happiness everywhere, failed. God never bestowed me with his powers. ‘Forget him’ I mocked. “I couldn’t build the empire of eternal sunshine...maybe I could demolish the fortress of demons” I thought. That never worked either. Yeah, a lowly mortal I am.

I began as a hero, following the footsteps dad left behind. A true hero I was...then. I enjoyed the warmth of the limelight that lit me. Then I tried to sustain it. The devil was born. Time moved on. I continued to be in disguise. I was still a hero to all. The devil however made sure not a lie that was uttered would end up as grievous blows. So in effect everyone was happy, just like me. ‘Immaculate lies’ are allowed, I figured out.

Dreams began to debate. They said I didn’t walk like my ‘father’, talk like him, act like him. Perhaps I wasn’t his kid.

I threatened to cut my vein. The ground flooded with her tears. What poured out from her was a story of betrayal. It was not the pleasure that a widow would long for, that brought me into this world. The sole friend who extended care to the depressed wife of his beloved friend after his demise had raped her. She didn’t avenge. The rascal’s life was taken away by a drunken driver instead. The entire chain of events remained safe within the walls of her brain. My mother wanted a heir. Wolves would greedily eat away the fortunes, she feared. One ‘immaculate lie’ worked.

Dreams couldn’t say if her heart still burned. I can’t ask them, if she had erred. No...I don’t want them yelling out more truths...I won’t sleep again...

“Wake up now”

B: “Hey...buddy, sweating??? What Happened?”

A: “MAN...U SERIOUS??? All about your dad...and other stuff”(Panting)

B: “ha ha...idiot...right from the time we did our internship I’d been telling you’ll never be good with psychiatry”

A: “ weren’t actually hypnotised...grrr”

B: “Buddy...anyway you unleashed a master story teller...he he...kudos for that”

A: uuuuuuuuuuuuuu....SMAAAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH...idiot, you are pathetic with genetics too...

B: ooof :)

(pdf format

download ebook from mediafire)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

biO haZard

From Phototrix

too little time 2 blog...
this snap is one of de hidden rusty 'corridors' of Dept. of O&G

ps. Onam holidays begin nxt beware...i might 'voraciously blog again'...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The ShOw

I fell in love,

It was magic;

I enjoyed the show.

Then the curtain fell;

The show was over;

Lights went off.

Reality rushed in;

Pitch black all around.

I didn’t stretch my legs...

I feared I would fall...

(no footnotes...n 'final year' aint a coincidence. by de way The chronicles will b back soon!!!

Atleast the title 'show' appears in Gynaecology texts :) im in touch)


Saturday, August 8, 2009

de 'UNCOP' patient

(the final year chronicles-continued)

week 1: Case- 'Everybody lies'

The worst nightmare called 'final year' began finally. I'll call it 'the final season'. With the end of the internment (not to be confused with internship) at labour room I wished (though it was nothing but a fallacy) i wouldn't have to examine 'fundal grips' anymore...hmmm man proposes, god disposes...back I the kingdom of distended abdomens...this time it's not just babies...there's more action...uterine prolapses, fibroids...etc.

'Obstetrics n Gynaecology', the one month long saga began with a bang...our group of 6 caressed by none other than the H.O.D, Dept Of O & G. Technically it's called the O1 unit.
Regular ward classes...'theatre demonstrations'...I donno if i've landed in wonderland...I still remember runnin behind one of the professors of Medicine to conduct classes few years back!!! The PG student i meet en route would chuckle "Yeah he'll come riding a unicorn"

Things changed...the current scenario is:

1)"Kids...c'mon where are you?...I'm ready"

2)"Ma'am sorry for disturbing...actually i've got an emergency consultation...could u please give the lecture to the final years...they've been waiting for too long"-one ma'am 2 another via 'HER' mobile phone.

3) An hour long surgery ends (technically Total Abdominal Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo oophorectomy...) and we move towards the doors only to find the Ass.Professor running towards us...eagerly, to explain the dissected uterus she held (in the black n white era...postings in the Operation Theatre were training grounds for us 2 practice ventriloquism, rarely would someone explain what's going on under the lights)

In short...what I understood is FINAL YEAR MEDICOS r VIPs !!! The recognition we now 'enjoy' at times turn into serpents that crawl in to bite our bosoms!!! Say...for eg...the ones with Medicine postings do not have 'second saturdays' any more...they r still in clinics...

What the first week in O&G taught me is the golden rule..."Everybody Lies"

Never trust a patient

Last week i met the most uncooperative patient we've met till date. A rather lean lady was assigned to our team for 'case taking'. She was one cunning vixen who tactically skipped all our questions, and utilised every opportunity 2 play hide n seek (for eg. We asked her to empty her bladder so that we wouldn't diagnose her full bladder as a tumour!!! This lady never returned...n i had to search every nook in the ward to find her hiding place...n bring her back)

All she said was 'I am absolutely prolonged bleeds...nothing...'

"Did the docs say something?"

Minutes fled...
Munchausen??? errr...??? But she doesn't seem 2 'like treatments'...hmm what else?? grrr..

The lady ate all our time. Once the ma'am arrived for the lecture...all we could figure out was she had a mass in her abdomen.

Case was briefed...(incorporating the 'Pushing Syndrome')

The ma'am finally revealed that this lady was actually scheduled for a hysterectomy (surgery to throw away the uterus), and had received 3 pints of blood