Saturday, August 8, 2009

de 'UNCOP' patient

(the final year chronicles-continued)

week 1: Case- 'Everybody lies'

The worst nightmare called 'final year' began finally. I'll call it 'the final season'. With the end of the internment (not to be confused with internship) at labour room I wished (though it was nothing but a fallacy) i wouldn't have to examine 'fundal grips' anymore...hmmm man proposes, god disposes...back I the kingdom of distended abdomens...this time it's not just babies...there's more action...uterine prolapses, fibroids...etc.

'Obstetrics n Gynaecology', the one month long saga began with a bang...our group of 6 caressed by none other than the H.O.D, Dept Of O & G. Technically it's called the O1 unit.
Regular ward classes...'theatre demonstrations'...I donno if i've landed in wonderland...I still remember runnin behind one of the professors of Medicine to conduct classes few years back!!! The PG student i meet en route would chuckle "Yeah he'll come riding a unicorn"

Things changed...the current scenario is:

1)"Kids...c'mon where are you?...I'm ready"

2)"Ma'am sorry for disturbing...actually i've got an emergency consultation...could u please give the lecture to the final years...they've been waiting for too long"-one ma'am 2 another via 'HER' mobile phone.

3) An hour long surgery ends (technically Total Abdominal Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo oophorectomy...) and we move towards the doors only to find the Ass.Professor running towards us...eagerly, to explain the dissected uterus she held (in the black n white era...postings in the Operation Theatre were training grounds for us 2 practice ventriloquism, rarely would someone explain what's going on under the lights)

In short...what I understood is FINAL YEAR MEDICOS r VIPs !!! The recognition we now 'enjoy' at times turn into serpents that crawl in to bite our bosoms!!! Say...for eg...the ones with Medicine postings do not have 'second saturdays' any more...they r still in clinics...

What the first week in O&G taught me is the golden rule..."Everybody Lies"

Never trust a patient

Last week i met the most uncooperative patient we've met till date. A rather lean lady was assigned to our team for 'case taking'. She was one cunning vixen who tactically skipped all our questions, and utilised every opportunity 2 play hide n seek (for eg. We asked her to empty her bladder so that we wouldn't diagnose her full bladder as a tumour!!! This lady never returned...n i had to search every nook in the ward to find her hiding place...n bring her back)

All she said was 'I am absolutely prolonged bleeds...nothing...'

"Did the docs say something?"

Minutes fled...
Munchausen??? errr...??? But she doesn't seem 2 'like treatments'...hmm what else?? grrr..

The lady ate all our time. Once the ma'am arrived for the lecture...all we could figure out was she had a mass in her abdomen.

Case was briefed...(incorporating the 'Pushing Syndrome')

The ma'am finally revealed that this lady was actually scheduled for a hysterectomy (surgery to throw away the uterus), and had received 3 pints of blood


jenyz said...

bro.. the dictum goes.. gynec case lady 35-45y.. + she realises u r a student = unco-op.. we jst got to examine abt6 or 7 in in mnth..
unless ofcourse u can throw an act as a professor teachng th undergrads.. tht works.. a receding hairline does help at times.. :)

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


he he lol !!!

Saranya S said...

LOL. Sounds like you are having an exciting final year. The long waits and disappearance of the consultants at tims are common here.
And yeah sometimes the patients don't wanna tell the truth to med students.
Have fun! lol.

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


yeah yeah..!!! itz cool..!! de action has just begun !!!

Pooja said...

cudnt get few jargons rght...nonetheless,loved d thngs i cud comprehend!!

hav a lovely final year!! :)

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


actually i h8 dis dept (oops) but from wat ive heard...dis is de sole posting datll gimme sum free time 2 watch movies...compared 2 de others ;)

Rane (The Orchid with All Shades Pink) said...

final year is making you feel good.. wanted types... :) way to go.. hilarious post..

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

@rane 'feel good factor' aint 'just' important....finalyear is 'crucial'...n hence de faculty allocate der entire field of vision :)
keep in touch

Priya Joyce said...

well u know wat its not just abt not telling the truth to the med students..they sumtimes hide it from qualifies n experienced docs. ahh well

...being a doc appears to be of much prestige but i think it's more duty and responsibility than prestige.
I feel reely distressed wen i see many of their kids..wh've got into private colleges(medical) just by bribe *donation* tats wat they call it..

quite saddening..

i dun thnk u docs reely need to do ny social work but at least if those(which I menioned above) cud be a li'l more responsible..and human then that wud bring changes..

well...hope u're enjoying..n having a gud tym..
tc n do well


Priya Joyce said...

sorry typos all ovr agn..nw i guess tat has bcome a habit :P

Diana. said...

Where's the end part? I wanted to read more!!

Am on leave from I hv all the time to read blogs.

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


yeah..!! hectic days here

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


de 'action' is just beginning ! keep in touch

Jeya Anand said...

so u just started wit obg? cool..hehehe funny patients..

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

@jeya anand
yeah yeah..real 'fun' god im waiting 4 dis month 2 get over..n ill land in de world of kids! paed cumin up :)

n hey 'hi'

wajhul said...

Good read ! I enjoyed this post... U write so heart-touchingly

AMIT said...

Yeah its starting now.

Web hosting india

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


thx a lot m8..ive hit de roof top...keep in touch...

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


:) he he

Mirage said...

see, now who says "house" didn't teach us anything n medicine is nothing like tht in real life?! lol. he is genius, i tell ya... pure genius!

k.ø.c.h.ü said...


absolutely true comrade :)
n welcome 2 my blog..keep in touch