de 'UNCOP' patient

(the final year chronicles-continued)

week 1: Case- 'Everybody lies'

The worst nightmare called 'final year' began finally. I'll call it 'the final season'. With the end of the internment (not to be confused with internship) at labour room I wished (though it was nothing but a fallacy) i wouldn't have to examine 'fundal grips' anymore...hmmm man proposes, god disposes...back I am...in the kingdom of distended abdomens...this time it's not just babies...there's more action...uterine prolapses, fibroids...etc.

'Obstetrics n Gynaecology', the one month long saga began with a bang...our group of 6 caressed by none other than the H.O.D, Dept Of O & G. Technically it's called the O1 unit.
Regular ward classes...'theatre demonstrations'...I donno if i've landed in wonderland...I still remember runnin behind one of the professors of Medicine to conduct classes few years back!!! The PG student i meet en route would chuckle "Yeah he'll come riding a unicorn"

Things changed...the current scenario is:

1)"Kids...c'mon where are you?...I'm ready"

2)"Ma'am sorry for disturbing...actually i've got an emergency consultation...could u please give the lecture to the final years...they've been waiting for too long"-one ma'am 2 another via 'HER' mobile phone.

3) An hour long surgery ends (technically Total Abdominal Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo oophorectomy...) and we move towards the doors only to find the Ass.Professor running towards us...eagerly, to explain the dissected uterus she held (in the black n white era...postings in the Operation Theatre were training grounds for us 2 practice ventriloquism, rarely would someone explain what's going on under the lights)

In short...what I understood is FINAL YEAR MEDICOS r VIPs !!! The recognition we now 'enjoy' at times turn into serpents that crawl in to bite our bosoms!!! Say...for eg...the ones with Medicine postings do not have 'second saturdays' any more...they r still in clinics...

What the first week in O&G taught me is the golden rule..."Everybody Lies"

Never trust a patient

Last week i met the most uncooperative patient we've met till date. A rather lean lady was assigned to our team for 'case taking'. She was one cunning vixen who tactically skipped all our questions, and utilised every opportunity 2 play hide n seek (for eg. We asked her to empty her bladder so that we wouldn't diagnose her full bladder as a tumour!!! This lady never returned...n i had to search every nook in the ward to find her hiding place...n bring her back)

All she said was 'I am absolutely normal...no pain...no prolonged bleeds...nothing...'

"Did the docs say something?"
"No...nothing"

Minutes fled...
Munchausen??? errr...??? But she doesn't seem 2 'like treatments'...hmm what else?? grrr..

The lady ate all our time. Once the ma'am arrived for the lecture...all we could figure out was she had a mass in her abdomen.

Case was briefed...(incorporating the 'Pushing Syndrome')

The ma'am finally revealed that this lady was actually scheduled for a hysterectomy (surgery to throw away the uterus), and had received 3 pints of blood