De scheduled kiss of a celebrity…

“A celebrity is a person who works hard 2 become well known, and then wears dark glasses 2 avoid being recognised”- Fred Allen

Siva: Did u know miza…my appa is gonna get declared dead…

Mizaj: I didn’t get that…

Siva: When’s de last time u read a newspaper…? gosh…well appa was one of de 228 persons reported to be missing in the post-Godhra riots. Hmmm…after 7 long years de authority is set 2 declare them dead…

Mizaj: Oh that’s sad…

Siva: Who’s sad…? Ha…i never depended on him…neither did amma…he was nothin but a self proclaimed servant of god...scoff…hmmm….my little Krishna has only got chance to lick wrappers of dairy milk…

M: Oh c’mon siv…

S: Yeah yeah…i forgot…this is time to enjoy….na….

M: :) Yep…idiot…u r always gud in spoilin mood…grrr….so werz my romantic hero…

“oh world…after 18 long years…my soul mate is gonna kiss me 4 de first time…”

S: “Unfortunately oh world…dis can’t b aired in front of de multitude”

M: Hmmm…so what did u actually mean…??? grrrr

S: Oh manduka in de well…India is yet 2 grow…at least few nooks…nopes…i can’t call that growth…niway….if I had few bucks on my own…plus lots of guts i wud’ve shouted …”this is my gal….” n hug u so hard dat u pant 4 breath…hmmm

M: Again…i didn’t understand…siv…hmm i missed all de fun at school…hmm….leave it…u r my world…ive learnt very little…but wen im wid u…i need nothin else…

S: Miza, u wer always der 4 me…amma’ll never say a ‘no’ wen she learns dat her son needs Miza…but rest of de family…hmmm….uncle who fed our tummies will cut my tongue if i present de proposal…i don’t even know if i’ll have de courage…It’s uncle’s purse that paid my bus ticket to the Set…

M: Don’t worry dear…2 love ain’t a fault na…i know u a lot more than anyone…don’t worry…i won’t complain…

S: Stupid…who said i’ll make u complain…? Hey who do u think u r standing with…?? he he…

M: Who? oH FORGOT…Itz Sivashanker….nopes… director Sivashanker…nopes writer sivashanker….he he…who knows…one day i’ll end up as yer manager…manager of de siva fans association girls’ wing…he he

S: Wow…illiteracy never prevents the quick witted Mizaj…

SMAAASH

S: Oooo dat hurt…creep…He he…wat if de lips swell…how am i gonna kiss thee?

M: oops…bad jokes get paid…grrr…u pompous pre-celebrity…Hmmm…

S: Miza, by de grace of de super natural power u believe in…(scoff)…or due to sheer luck…my talents(ahem ahem) got an exposure…my story turning into a movie script was just a dream…fortunately de dream came true…i feared if dey wud kick de penny less dirty siva out of de set…ill worship de human director 4 offering me a seat…

M: It’s like dat siv…nothin can b hidden for long…trust me…one day yer book will become reality…

S: Book…music…hey Miza…i how much shud i pay de manager?? he he

M: I wud hav asked 4 de celebrity himself…but i don’t wanna hurt his family…

S: Luv at times turn me blind dear…i fear if, one day…i might even forget yer dad…de great person who taught me to write…

M: Believe in god siv…he’ll guide us…

S: Damn…k…k…ill giv him a chance…niway hey…ill admit dat sumthin indeed played a part in all dat happened…in de magic dat is about 2 happen in Siva’s life…

M: Daz my boy…he he…Even krishna might be smilin from above hearin de atheist saying this…

S: No way…my sister lost her life due yer god…

M: No…siva…it was ignorance…dat tuk her life away

S: She was just 16…curse de pig heads who discovered Astrology…chovva dosham…they said…v delay her marriage for a year, and v’ll have 2 wait till she gets 30 for another auspicious date…

hmmm…amma still owes few kilos of notes 2 de banks…de poor man’s wedding bash…itz de first thing that ive 2 settle with what im payed…

M: K…K….IDIOT…daz enough…uve spoiled de chance again…everyone’s gonna b bak…no more time left…get out of here now…grrr…

S: :) k…herez de deal…de movie gets released…Siva n Mizaj sits side by side n watch de first show…then the candle lit dinner at ERRR…de canteen near de movie hut…n at twilight v walk along de tides…n i gift my luv de million dollar kiss…n den i carry u 2 my family n proclaim “IM IN LUV…MIZAJ ISMAIL will remain wid me 4 four long years….i turn 21 n then i marry her legally”….

M: (Smilin) n then?

S: Uncle takes de sharpest weapon within reach…n WE FLEEEEE

M:he he…oh dear…luv u much…mmmmwaaaaaaahhhhh

S: Idiot dis kiss was scheduled 4 a future date…hmmm..de Pre release kiss…he he…

:)

From Heaven with love…

(Don't even dare to read this half asleep...! THE STUFF is a bit too long!!!)

You are making me tired.

Son, I have a trillion cases to look into every moment. You know that well right?

Ya,I do. If you can’t do all this alone…try a retirement !!!…grrr…sorry im outta patience…

Tell me what your problem is.

I wanna know if this is the treatment I deserve.

Oh! Dear. You have been out there for twenty years and all that I’ve heard from you is complaints.

I have my fundamental rights!!! Right?

Its high time for amending that thing called constitution...Well…well exercise them…continue…

Im fed up Oh Lord! you know how well I love all those pig heads out there. I spend atleast three quarters of my time thinking of others. Still I suffer humiliation, neglect. I am fed up.

Hi hi... ‘fed’ up? Son that’s exactly why you are here now…

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

k… k…continue…

You’ve heard my speeches.

Ya I have.

You love my styles right?

OH! I can't stand this 'self praising' anymore..okay…Whats your point?

Half the audience had turned into wolves when I took the microphone in my hands.

Lucky, I wasn't there...

??????

Else I would've turned into one!!!

Grrrr…tell me now…you belong to me or them?

I belong to all…

Oh! Cut the crap. No philosophies here.

K...K…well…any thing else?

Do you know the total time I’ve spend loving her? Caring for her?

She never demanded that, did she?

Grrrrrrrrr...You are not supporting me....

Ha ha…speak son…

I’ve spend half my pocket money recharging my phone…I send hundreds of messages every week to all corners. Asking “ how r ye”… “how did the exams go”...and all blah blah…a few misers respond with missed calls..some don’t even respond.

Everyone has his or her life to look right? If you fail to do that ,why blame others?

Oh! Are you here to console me or criticize me?

Son. I know you well. That’s why I send so many people out there for you. You are aware…

Ya lord..i know…but I times…I feel dumped…

Leave it dear.

No, I can’t. How can I leave it? I always wanted someone who belonged to me…just me…you never give me that.

I wanted a friend…

I had sent one….

Ya but…………

What ‘ BUT’ ? You repeat 60 times a minute… ‘She’s your this’... ‘she’s your that’… ‘Lucky having you’… and so on…and still you suspect her…

That is ‘human’ right?

That is not ‘human’…! You go on complaining… ‘do you know how much I care for you’… ‘do you know what sum I spend for you’… ‘What energy I ‘waste’ for you…but still you never care for me’ and all that…

But lord I rarely mean anything when I say she doesn’t care for me…’coz I know she does care…!

That’s cruelty right…?

Perhaps yes…hey hey …..so now I am the culprit?

HI HI BINGO!!!

Nothing doing…and where is my love?

I send one right? Not one...many..

Ya a dozen..grrrr….u make me paralyzed…you send gals I can love…and lets me wish to own them…just ‘wish’..and right in front of my eyes they grow and disappear…and at last I remain a loser…

Loser? Who? You are not a loser…just a slow learner… always late when you realize things… say… 'learning' … when did you start that? When you found that if you remain slow...you will lose someone you craved for…again that was for ‘someone’...and not to fulfill the dreams of those loving parents…

Yupp!!! This ain’t fair…I came here to fire you for the ‘injustice’ I am suffering and now the ball is in your court…

Hi hi.. .you always want people praising you right?

Ya. Even when my dearest ones call me pompous…I love that…even when I am mocked at and jeered at…I love that…simply because of the fact that everyone knows that I am breathing…I want attention…always…someone should be with me every time…!!!

Don’t worry dude…there are lots who love you…care for you...be satisfied…you can’t expect all to do the same…can you?

Okay okay…cut all that…what are you going to do ‘now’?

What “now”..what has happened has happened…

That’s not it…this ain’t fair lord…

Whats not fair..? I didn’t ask you to adore the beauty of a college going gal while crossing the road did I?

You created beauty for us to enjoy right?

Right. But not while you are just seconds away from getting run over by a racing KSRTC bus…!!!

But that gal could have dressed properly so that I couldn’t have lost my concentration completely…moreover she was too beautiful…and you created her pretty…didn’t you

Now blame that gal for her beauty… and yes... its my fault for having made her pretty... hmmm…. Son…you just won’t change…k... I’ll give ye a choice...HELL or HEAVEN?

Mixture of both…!

Earth…?

You got that buddy...yupp...lord…

Hmmm…so you want another chance…?

But promise me…this is not my last chance…

What? So you’ll repeat similar things again?

Oh! Lord... ‘to err is human’… right?

Right right...kid…get off from here now…here is your return ticket…hooo…I am confused now…Assistant get me some tablet to drive this ‘ headache’ off…

(AND I WAKE UP TO FIND MYSELF COVERED WITH PLASTERS AND BANDAGES…ON ONE SIDE OF MY BED IS MY BELOVED FRIEND AND ON THE OTHER SIDE IS MY LOVE…AND ALL AROUND I FIND MY CLASS MATES…AND FEW DOCTORS…THEN I HEAR SOMEONE ON PHONE SCREAMING, “AUNTIE DON’T WEEP…HE IS BREATHING AGAIN…”

OH BEAUTIFUL WORLD…BACK I AM...AGAIN...)