Saturday, March 13, 2010

Philip Kaun Hai (Who is Philip?)

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“Philip, tell me the pediatric dose of Ampicillin”
“Philip, what is the Plan C management of Acute Diarrheal Disease”
“Philip, Philip, Philip”
I begin to yawn
“Philip, Philip, Philip”
Thank god, it’s a classroom, and it’s the final year. There is no reason to panic. Self Control is an automated adaptation for survival. The green eyed monster is having a hard time trying the strenuous act of concentrating. It’s tough when the tutor is a pleasing appeal to the senses. When the smile is charming, the voice is filled with mesmerizing notes, and all these graceful facets are superimposed on excellent teaching skills, the end product is a serious mess in the minds of the innocuous listener.
Let’s call her Hema Ma’am. The first few dialogues used to be repeated whenever she took classes for us. It’s not that “Nithin Jayan”, or “Nithin Humayoon” or “Pooja” never reverberated in the air, but “Philip” itched my nerves. The guy is gifted with real ‘looks’, stupid chicks think he smiles like Tom Cruise…then he’s also a genius who spares very few hours to score well!!! So that means bitterness is justified.
That was about the first pediatrics postings that occurred months back. Time crawled by. Months later we are back. Same department, same unit, same set of professors, nothing has changed except for the minuscule changes that sprouted up as tiny grey hairs in *her head. (*Hema ma’am who else?) Philip is high and mighty these days. He would knock every one down so as to be the first one to step into Hema Ma’am’s O.P.room.
I yawned again. None of us needed an introduction.
But twists do happen.
Pointing at Philip, Hema Ma’am asked, “And You ARE?”



Silence…eyeballs pop out…everyone’s stunned…
TADA…music plays…drums
Tsunami?
“Philip”, he replies.
I am surprised.
“So you are Philip?” Madam’s question should have drilled through his heart.
“But, hmmm, is there another Philip in your class?” Madam probed again.
“No ma’am he’s the only one”, my voice was filled with evil satisfaction and a pinch of salt.
“I thought there was another Philip”
That’s it, that’s it
CHEERS.
Similar episodes recurred in the following days. Other tutors began to ask for “Philip”, but not our Philip.
Thus Mr. Tom Cruise is finally our new goal post.
“Malappuram Kathi, Nadan Bomb, avasanam Pavanayi shavamayi” the famous Malayalam ‘quote’ reverberate in the same air that once cradled “Philip, Philip, Philip”
Question still stays. Who’s this new Philip? Mystery continues

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Plaster saint


'Love yourself before all men, for everything in the world rests on self-interest'- Dostoevsky


There are few mantras that require to be chanted at least a trillion times so that they get registered by your brain and get chiseled on the pillars of long term memory. Practicing them require greater efforts for I believe humans are born naive instilled with an ever-ready- to- change mindset. We change fast but unlike the seasons which are predictable and pre-programmed, our transitions are often drastic. Some blame it on the genes, others demand incarceration of environment. Where is my time to search for a cause? The smartest ones survive the rat race.

22 years and I’m still running…at times Time moves slow, at other times He rushes denying me chance to gulp in a puff of air. The existence of asynchrony is the only limiting factor. At times I used to be blind and deaf, but that was out of sheer ignorance. I mistook the World to be far superior to Heaven. I was too artless to see the demons who were veiled in the mist. The great tutor called Time who sent his army of tides against me instilled smartness.

No more do I open my eyes or strain my ears without reason. I live in a world of sanctimonious bastards. I’ve seen him empathize, listened to him blather philosophy, and opened the doors whenever he ran off to serve the destitute. The dusk uncloaked all that he cared about…Himself. I wonder what he’s trying to prove. It’s kind of a poor joke. It’s fun watching people. Everyone errs, else why are we branded as Humans? Life is all about serving one’s conscience. Do no Harm as far as possible, spread smiles as long as they don’t give you a strain. Compassion in all its purity may be discovered someday. But who is going to waste time waiting for that day? I don’t have seconds to spare…it’s me and just me, at least I’m trying hard to pretend that it’s so.


Everybody has a story to tell, but I have too many…
Not sure if too long is the time that I have in hands,
But yeah there is a time for all, I’ll call it the Time of times.

Who knows, what you’ve read might be a prologue,
To the story of a hypocrite.

(ps. This ain't a promise...as I always say, Promises n kids are alike...easy 2 give but hard 2 deliver)

Friday, February 26, 2010

Silence of the Heart




I know I know…I am not sure if this is the first request that I am firing. But, yeah you know well…that this is the time. Now or…’Never’??? Nerds say that answer to all lie hidden in the sub conscious mind…but where’s the key to this much hyped safe? Who cares…I wonder why I’m in a fix when things are clearer than day light. But…no…something’s wrong somewhere…it always is. So are you going to yell out or what? It’s just a word…”Yes” or a “No”. Yeah, I’m used to your silence…but now…It’s deafening me. I’m just a step away from insanity. I used to read your eyes very well. Every gesture…every blink…and true you never spoke. Dumb…you where…but never deaf. I used to get an answer every time, and yeah always in my favour. What else could come out from you?

But mate…or myself….whatever you are…tell me now…a Yes or a No. Lives rest in those letters…Some asked me to follow my heart. Yeah I let my heart drive, ignored the brain for a while. Lucky I was…the trouble I drove into was a sweet one. Apparently the world was good…for a while…and then came in a binge of reality...and Fantasies rushed to places I would never reach…I didn’t want to search for them either.

This is what Life is after all. What is the thrill if everything happens the way I wish…the way I want…the way I dream? Life has to move on…with every second filled with vigour. No…the grapes are not sour…and it’s not always a matter of perception.

Well…you never change…the same old silence…I won’t blame you…But yeah It’ll get darker, and then you disappear…but….but…I don’t want you to return…at least for a while…I’m going to take away your life…

The sound of shattering glass echoed for a while.

He didn’t die, did he glare? No…he’s always calm…from one of those shattered pieces he was smiling… conveying his answer…was that a Yes or a No?