(non-fiction!!! itz real) (originally posted in smiley tissues) (n dis onez short...so no excuses neha!!!)
TRING TRING ...
TRING TRING...
ME: hELLOOOO ABC: Hey nithin!!!
ME: (ooops..hmm...?? ive heard dis voice b4) Welll hiiiiiiiiii...!!! wazup...long since v spoke na..!!!
ABC: c'mon da...he he...don't bluff...u havent recognised me yet na..!!!! too long a time has passed since v spoke..!!!
ME: Actually...hmm...dis sound is too familiar..oh cmon slap me 4 not recollectin dese mesmerisin notes of music...!!!
ABC: Oh!! dear u havent changed a bit !!! :) he he...still on spectacles na?
ME: yup...!!!
ABC: Ill giv a clue. I had send u a LUV LETTER...years baak ...11th std...!!!remember???
ME: WHATTTTTTTTTTTT??? LORD...!!! Either i shud curse de postal service or u filled in de wrong address....Pal it NEVER REACHED ME...
ABC: HE HE...DONT worry...im not gonna send it again!! he he..Well here's de second clue. I'D fooled u wid a similar call few months back..!!
ME: WOW.............'ABC'...u idiot...im gonna kick u de nxt time v meet he he...!!! luvly surprise niway pal....!!!
ABC: he he...so buddy..guess wat i called u 4?
ME: hmmmm...!!! he he....feb 14 is near...!!! perhaps upgrading 2 emails or sms..??
ABC: GRRRRRRRRR....dis kid..!!!! hey...Itz my weddin...!! dis feb...
ME: (errr...) woooooo..CMON...all of a sudden a gal rings me n remind me of her luv letter n den she invites me 4 her weddin!!!!
ABC: HE HE !!!! HEY...dude ive lost my phone buk...send all de numbers u know...k...?? I miss my ol' pals...!!! n u de official bbc shud b in touch wid most na.. :)
ME: sure pal...!!! so whoz de 'chosen one'...poor guy he he...!!!
8 interns, 2 PGs, 4House Surgeons and 1 patient. (hmmm…pregnancy isn’t a disease niway!!!) The HS n PGs are busy wid text books, mobiles etc. 3 of us (boyz) are busy sharing nuggets!!! Rest 5 interns (of course the gals) have der heads dipped in de patient’s perineum. (kya dedication)
The mother lays sound asleep…perhaps the only nagging trouble she faces is the one created by the budding docs( We constantly pester patients 4 collecting blood samples, connecting cannula, recording blood pressure etc.)
Her snoring is too irritating that I search for a way to stop her.
@stage two, this is an extremely rare sight. Since normally one’s ear drum gets busted wid all the cries of the ‘about2 deliver’ mothers.
[add on: labour is divided into stages, practically into two: Depending upon the amplitude of cries(unofficially he he) a lady is shifted to stage two]
I browse through her case record…’Bingo…she suffers from hypertension’ (medically –preg.induced hypertension)…and I shake her awake…”wake up…gimme yer arm gotta record the BP”…poor lady, what else can she do, I inflate the BP cuff giggling.
Time passes by. Without even turning back a PG orders…”Interns give her a dose of EPIDOCIN.”
Intern1:“What did she say?”
Intern2:”aaa..not clear”
Intern3:”some OCIN”
Intern4:”must be Pitocin”
Intern5:”Right!!!”
Intern6:”I’ll get it”
Intern7: breaks the ampoule
Intern8: loads the syringe
Intern1:Pokes the saline bottle for setting a drip
Intern2:inserts a cannula into the patient
Two things that we have gained kinda expertise in are ‘blood suckin n cannula installation’. After repeated number of hits and tries we learnt these wonderful art forms that are actually exclusively patented works of Nurses. To some in my unit, cannula inst. is like throwin darts!!! Our unit of 16 have also evolved into professional mosquitoes.
Intern3: MA’AM SHALL V GIVE IT?…WE ARE READY…
PG( NOT TURNIN BACK): YEAH…PUSHHH
Intern4:Starts the iv line with Pitocin
Intern5: Labels-PITOCIN 20 UNITS
An hour later…the mother is lying peacefully…(this is usually impossible in stage 2!!!)
One of the PGs take a stroll, reach the mother, stares at de label….n start SCREAAAAAAMINNNG
PG:“WHO THE HELL DID THIS...OH GODDDDD…”
Intern()“But ma’am…we injected just as u had told…”
What follows is a real fuzz…full of high pitched red dialogues with a punch of medicine.Somewhat like : *&%*(^$^&*&(**)^(%$#%@#%$&%$^@#^&%&^%&^%$^^#$$
As freshers all we knew was the drug Pitocin that is used to augment the process of labour.
ME(secretly to an HS): Bhai…why are these people barkin @ us
HS: Dear, Epidocin is injected as a single dose, never viaiv line.
ME: Just dat?
HS: No dear…this lady is a multipara(not her first experience being pregnant!!!) that means the anti-natal dose of Pitocin for her is about 2.5 UNITS.
ME: 2.5…..??? (We injected almost 20 units)
HS: Get me ampoules if possible…
ME:I’LL…BUT BHAI….WAZ DE CURRENT RISK?
HS: Well…hypertonic contraction…FOETAL DISTRESS…FOETAL DEATH…RUPTURE OF UTERUS…
ME: HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT………C’MON DON’T TELL ME DER AIN’T A CURE…
HS: Prey…and let’s wait…
Intern x runs to the waste basket and returns with few broken ampoules.
We waited with extreme patience and prayers for hours…
At last, the lady delivered. A healthy male child.
God appeared in the form of Kerala Govt.
This is what happened
HS: Hey show me that…lemme chk de ampoule…wooo….NO CURE son…but perhaps we needn’t panic…it came from the GOVERNMENT SUPPLY OF DRUGS…
For the first time we thanked our government for providing the comparatively less efficient drug supplies…if we had injected the Original drug that comes from the Private firms (we usually use these ones since they are pure and efficient) the mother would have been history, we would’ve been carrying guilt conscience forever 4 not havin consulted seniors b4 administering drugs, the PG would’ve got sued 4 irresponsibility.
Well dear pals…ive lots more 2 share…but derz a limit 2 de boredom I can instill in u people…moreover I hav an exam season cumin up…so this series is being terminated prematurely…!!!
Footnote: Problems that I faced during the first ‘official’ delivery:
1)I was really afraid 2 pull the baby by his head, feared if I would decapitate him!!!
2)I don’t know how I managed to hold the slippy kid fully covered with slimy fluids without putting him into the bucket that collects blood and other ‘labour wastes’
3)The senior who assisted me got an accidental needle prick. Which places her @risk of catching serious infections from the patient like HIV…!!!
I asked the mother…”Hey waz yer husband doin?
Patient: Truck driver…Madras
OOOOOOOPS…DOUBLE DE RISK
ME: Is this yer first pregnancy?
Patient: No fifth
I turn 2 de Senior, “ Don’t worry Ma’am…itz her fifth attempt…dat means her husband shouldn’t have tried other gals…!!!”
The month long postings gave me n new insight into life…
As a medico(toddler) I learnt too many things new…
It was my first real time experience with patients…handling them all alone…
De tension…de responsibilities…
ONE THING I TERRIBLY MISSED WAS MY BLOG…(AND DEAR BLOGOSPHERE…)
TRILLIONS OF HUGZ N THNKZ 2 SMRITI
(Her ‘STD’ messages wer really mind soothing ones
N gav me company…)
N WORLD I declare
this gal as de chweetest pal blogosphere has gifted me wid.
Finally amma asked me today as I was brushing my sparkling teeth…”eda kochu…1.5 years of study left …Ready to handle a patient yourself???” I scan myself for a second and replies…
“SuRE MA…provided the patient is PREGNANT”
The month long Labour room posting has changed my outlook….honestly…I have a new perspective of everything…not just gals…360 degrees of life…kudos to all mother who have had normal vaginal deliveries (not de caesareans !!!)
There’s too much to write in…so I split my post into parts…so as not to tire my lovely readers… This is the first instalment. No MASALA has been added…neither have I edited or proof read…what u r readin right now is what is pourin out as I sit in front of my dying monitor tappin my rusty keyboard.
“The number you’ve dialled is currently busy. Please try after sometime”-call WAITING
“One thali-meal please”…..and this is followed by a long WAIT…and curses begin to pour out of the hungry food bag of yours…as if the WAITER is responsible.
Yeah…to ’wait’ is something I hate just like anyone else (hmmm…yeah I hate too much ‘weight’ too)
Ladies n gentlemen, here I introduce to you a typical yet different, tiring yet thrilling ‘WAIT’.
She’s not mad…but anyone around might ask why someone isn’t tying her up to the bed. She twists…jumps…shouts…screams…yells…’Allah…Krishna…Eeesho…Ammaaa...etc’. What pushes a layman into curiosity is the environment surrounding her bed that remains serene in spite of all hues and cries.
8 heads peep into her perinium(ooo…no vulgarity meant…). All well –learnt, smart, trained heads. All wearing the ‘theatre’ chappals (ordinarily wearing a chappal after getting into a Parx trouser and tucking in an Excalibur shirt is weird…but inside a ‘sterile’ room, where everyone is supposed to be STERILE, no gals scoff at you…there is no choice). Yeah that’s us…the Interns…!!! And this is ‘day one’ of our ‘labour room’ postings. With every second the intensity of her cry rises…and we are the only ones who are tensed and sweating (freshers!!!)
‘Thar she blows’
A hairline appears…recedes…appear again…
‘No…it’s not going back…heyyyyyyy…it’s fullllllll…House surgeons…Interns…get ready…’
‘CHECHEEEEEEEE TROLLEYYYYYYYYYYY’
Now is the ‘run’…
’the run for a new life’
…attendant pants in with a trolley…the mother is asked (in reality shouted) to jump into the trolley…she will have snatched off all the cannulas (and that mean the giant needles that we laboriously instil into veins for needy supplementation of fluids…drugs etc.)…creating a ‘bloody’ field in the bed. The trolley reaches the ‘labour cot’ within seconds.
I ‘run’ towards the ‘dressing room’ (you don’t have face creams…body sprays…talc…combs waiting for you) put on the gown (‘sterility’ is the golden requirement…not a spot of contamination is allowed…in reality…this is a more self defensive technique…who’ll want to spoil his dress with meconium…blood and amniotic fluid?).
Now is the ‘tough’ part…wearing ‘gloves’… !!! I’ve not yet learnt to put my fingers into the sterile pair of gloves within split seconds as the seniors do.
“C’moonnnnnnnn what the hell are you waiting for”…yells the senior PG student-another female
(Fortunately or unfortunately Gynaecology is a female dominated area. Trust me, if males ruled here…half the labour related complications and unwanted fuzzes could’ve been history). Still trying to adjust the gloves I rush to the labour cot…
“SUPPPPORTTTTTTTTTTT”
Rest is automated…I push the perineal towel so hard that I start to think if my force is what is blocking the baby from his journey into this world.
Two elephant sized PGs literally jump over the mother’s tummy(medically- fundal ‘push’) The entire labour room shakes in her ‘thunderous’ cry.
HAAAA….ATLAST…HERE HE COMES…
A tiny head pops out…before I can say ‘hi doooooooo’ the HS pulls him out…and there is a spurt of all nasty fluids…you’ve got to be really lucky to save your mouth and attire.
No it’s not over…the baby is still clinging on to her womb…
I cut the final physical attachment between them (technically-‘clamping’ the cord and cutting it)(fortunately none can cut off the psychological tie) Everyone sympathises at cries…but now is one special moment when a cry is the most vital and auspicious symbol of life.
The new kiddy has to cryyyyyy…(technically we record it as BABY CRIED SOON AFTER BIRTH…CSAB). Else you’ll witness another scene of terror…when a Paediatrician will be kicked out of sleep and driven in…you’ll see nurses running in search of suction tubes etc.
Well folks the first phase of ‘delivery’ is the hard yet fascinating part…it took me almost the experience of assisting 3 deliveries, to understand what exactly happens. Rest of the action is passive…and boring and tiring…I don’t wish to scroll into the tale… (it involves suturing)
KEEP GLUED…TRUE ACTION IS JUST COMIN UP… ”HOW GOVERNMENT SAVED DE DAY n a WOMB”…. (2 B CONTD.)
Anaesthesiologist@NHS
Product of Govt.Medical College Trivandrum.
Former Content Editor, MedIndia.
Lives a life defined by his 3 dreams 'a Song, a Stethoscope and a Book'
