UTERUS C/O Kerala Govt.PO Chronicles of Labour room-part2 (final)

(contd part-1)

Labour room stage2:

8 interns, 2 PGs, 4House Surgeons and 1 patient. (hmmm…pregnancy isn’t a disease niway!!!) The HS n PGs are busy wid text books, mobiles etc. 3 of us (boyz) are busy sharing nuggets!!! Rest 5 interns (of course the gals) have der heads dipped in de patient’s perineum. (kya dedication)

The mother lays sound asleep…perhaps the only nagging trouble she faces is the one created by the budding docs( We constantly pester patients 4 collecting blood samples, connecting cannula, recording blood pressure etc.)

Her snoring is too irritating that I search for a way to stop her.

@stage two, this is an extremely rare sight. Since normally one’s ear drum gets busted wid all the cries of the ‘about2 deliver’ mothers.

[add on: labour is divided into stages, practically into two: Depending upon the amplitude of cries(unofficially he he) a lady is shifted to stage two]

I browse through her case record…’Bingo…she suffers from hypertension’ (medically –preg.induced hypertension)…and I shake her awake…”wake up…gimme yer arm gotta record the BP”…poor lady, what else can she do, I inflate the BP cuff giggling.

Time passes by. Without even turning back a PG orders…”Interns give her a dose of EPIDOCIN.”

Intern1:“What did she say?”

Intern2:”aaa..not clear”

Intern3:”some OCIN”

Intern4:”must be Pitocin”

Intern5:”Right!!!”

Intern6:”I’ll get it”

Intern7: breaks the ampoule

Intern8: loads the syringe

Intern1:Pokes the saline bottle for setting a drip

Intern2:inserts a cannula into the patient

Two things that we have gained kinda expertise in are ‘blood suckin n cannula installation’. After repeated number of hits and tries we learnt these wonderful art forms that are actually exclusively patented works of Nurses. To some in my unit, cannula inst. is like throwin darts!!! Our unit of 16 have also evolved into professional mosquitoes.

Intern3: MA’AM SHALL V GIVE IT?…WE ARE READY…

PG( NOT TURNIN BACK): YEAH…PUSHHH

Intern4:Starts the iv line with Pitocin

Intern5: Labels-PITOCIN 20 UNITS

An hour later…the mother is lying peacefully…(this is usually impossible in stage 2!!!)

One of the PGs take a stroll, reach the mother, stares at de label….n start SCREAAAAAAMINNNG

PG:“WHO THE HELL DID THIS...OH GODDDDD…”

Intern()“But ma’am…we injected just as u had told…”

What follows is a real fuzz…full of high pitched red dialogues with a punch of medicine.Somewhat like : *&%*(^$^&*&(**)^(%$#%@#%$&%$^@#^&%&^%&^%$^^#$$

As freshers all we knew was the drug Pitocin that is used to augment the process of labour.

ME(secretly to an HS): Bhai…why are these people barkin @ us

HS: Dear, Epidocin is injected as a single dose, never via iv line.

ME: Just dat?

HS: No dear…this lady is a multipara(not her first experience being pregnant!!!) that means the anti-natal dose of Pitocin for her is about 2.5 UNITS.

ME: 2.5…..??? (We injected almost 20 units)

HS: Get me ampoules if possible…

ME:I’LL…BUT BHAI….WAZ DE CURRENT RISK?

HS: Well…hypertonic contraction…FOETAL DISTRESS…FOETAL DEATH…RUPTURE OF UTERUS…

ME: HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT………C’MON DON’T TELL ME DER AIN’T A CURE…

HS: Prey…and let’s wait…

Intern x runs to the waste basket and returns with few broken ampoules.

We waited with extreme patience and prayers for hours…

At last, the lady delivered. A healthy male child.

God appeared in the form of Kerala Govt.

This is what happened

HS: Hey show me that…lemme chk de ampoule…wooo….NO CURE son…but perhaps we needn’t panic…it came from the GOVERNMENT SUPPLY OF DRUGS…

For the first time we thanked our government for providing the comparatively less efficient drug supplies…if we had injected the Original drug that comes from the Private firms (we usually use these ones since they are pure and efficient) the mother would have been history, we would’ve been carrying guilt conscience forever 4 not havin consulted seniors b4 administering drugs, the PG would’ve got sued 4 irresponsibility.

Well dear pals…ive lots more 2 share…but derz a limit 2 de boredom I can instill in u people…moreover I hav an exam season cumin up…so this series is being terminated prematurely…!!!

Footnote: Problems that I faced during the first ‘official’ delivery:

1) I was really afraid 2 pull the baby by his head, feared if I would decapitate him!!!

2) I don’t know how I managed to hold the slippy kid fully covered with slimy fluids without putting him into the bucket that collects blood and other ‘labour wastes’

3) The senior who assisted me got an accidental needle prick. Which places her @risk of catching serious infections from the patient like HIV…!!!

I asked the mother…”Hey waz yer husband doin?

Patient: Truck driver…Madras

OOOOOOOPS…DOUBLE DE RISK

ME: Is this yer first pregnancy?

Patient: No fifth

I turn 2 de Senior, “ Don’t worry Ma’am…itz her fifth attempt…dat means her husband shouldn’t have tried other gals…!!!”

The month long postings gave me n new insight into life…

As a medico(toddler) I learnt too many things new…

It was my first real time experience with patients…handling them all alone…

De tension…de responsibilities…

ONE THING I TERRIBLY MISSED WAS MY BLOG…(AND DEAR BLOGOSPHERE…)

TRILLIONS OF HUGZ N THNKZ 2 SMRITI

(Her ‘STD’ messages wer really mind soothing ones

N gav me company…)

N WORLD I declare

this gal as de chweetest pal blogosphere has gifted me wid.

Thnx dear 4 de banner n all de warm welcum!!!