To change or not to change...it was never hard to make a choice. The galvanizing fact that I was alive meant I could change. ‘Who would turn the key’ was the million dollar question. I would either let Time do the magic or I would let my brain do the manipulation. Naturally I chose the second option. How could someone blame me? I am a human...within the trillions of neuronal circuits rests all...man, beast, and god. They would fight each other all the time...victory would never rest with one for eternity...it keeps on changing. But I would never know who won...The end product is never merely a physical change that a mirror would reflect.
This time, however, I assumed the beast had won. How else could the thought of breaking a promise made years back pop up in my brain? Just like anyone around, I had a reason...just to substantiate my stand...’betrayal of a friend’ was hence easy. After all everything happens for a reason...good or bad.
Unknown and unseen forces conspired and a multitude of traits mixed up in magical proportions and a human form sprouted up...took the form of the lady of my dreams. I realised she was the one for me at the very first sight. It took me ages however to manipulate myself and her and the entire milieu, and the purpose was served... We married...every one concluded our chapter with the words ‘and they lived happily ever after’...
The immortality of our love would someday end up just like any other fact that fills the universe...’another fallacy’. What is a ‘fact’ anyway? You prove something to be true today and Time or another petite mortal proves the opposite, some other day. Not even science can fill gaps. The very gaps that science leaves are filled by deadly lies...or soothing lies. The ever soothing God, or a plundering demon, or a weird superstition, are all proofs for the weaknesses of science.
The very truths I had spun myself would someday shatter before her innocence. But the very fear that revelations would drive her away prevented me from spilling the truths. All I wanted was to win the prettiest damsel my eyes had ever seen. I didn’t care about the true inner beauties that adorned her. But there was someone who loved it, the closest friend of mine who introduced her to me years back. Naive he was...ignorant he was about the devil who took birth in me the moment I saw her. The poor chap didn’t know how to propose. The princess never had a clue about the place she had in his heart.
He was a moron...winning his trust over matters took seconds. I brilliantly penned the rest of the tale. By the end of a month...I ‘made’ her realise that all he wanted was her body. Just like a complementary gift came her trust on me. Everything worked so well.
With time I realised she was much more than the sexy curves and charming charisma that lured me. She taught me to respect the inner beauty of womanhood. Remorse began to flood my heart. I would give her the love and warmth that no one else would have bestowed her with. That would be the only holy water that can wash my sins.
My poor friend still lives somewhere...probably still unaware of what had happened...Heaven or hell...wherever you are...my friend, let me spill the truth...I had to kill you...your attempt to suicide never worked out...I rushed you to the hospital...you were put on dialysis...the toxins flushed out...the doctor put you on iv infusion. I had to push some potassium into it when no one else was looking so as to bring the sudden arrhythmia that none could save you from.
No one would figure things out...but I fear...someday...I would tell her the truth...but by that time, I’m damn sure she won’t think that she missed you. Love is all that matters dear friend...
See you in hell or heaven,